Schrödinger's Box Set

‘So there isn’t a box?’

‘Not as such, no.’

‘Are there books?’

‘E-books.’

‘And you can’t keep those in a box?’

‘You don’t NEED a box, that’s the beauty of it.’

‘Well, where will they be?’

‘On your e-reader. Slim, portable, it can contain up to 6,000 books.’

‘6,000? Let me see... If I read a book a day, that’ll be what? 18 years?’

‘You read your books? All of them?’

‘That’s what they’re for, isn’t it?’

‘Well, no. Here at Steganor*, we see books as life-style indicators.’

‘So what? I’ve got Nabakov, Bulgakov and Chekhov on my shelves. What does that “indicate” about me and my life-style – and why do you care?’

‘We’re not in the business of selling books, Mr Mustermann. We want to sell you everything.’

‘Everything?’

‘Everything there is to buy.’

‘Well, I like to buy books. And you didn’t answer my question.’

‘Ah… what was it? Bulgakov, Nabakov and Chekhov? Let me just check the algorithm...’

‘They used to be in books too, oh no, that was logarithms. I think I preferred those.’

‘Got it. You need a set of Matrushka dolls, a renewable VPN for privacy in your on-line browsing and a ceramic seagull ornament for your bathroom.’

‘Do I? Do I really? What if I told you I don’t?’

‘The algorithm says...’

‘Algorithms don’t “say” anything. I don’t need those things, I will never need those things. Maybe nobody needs those things, did you think of that?’

‘Moving on, Mr Mustermann, would you like to buy a Shaker Knife Sharpener?’

‘No, and I don’t want anything mentioned in the outro of “What Do You Want From Life?” either.’

‘Ah wait, that’s music isn’t it? Yes, The Tubes. I have that in a variety of digital formats...’

‘I have a limited edition transparent vinyl pressing of “What Do You Want From Live” and some memories that cannot be digitised. I don’t need what you’re selling.’

Some bleeps. A little whirring.

‘Good Morning Mr Mustermann. We at Steganor have an offer on e-book box-sets...’

* Look it up