Yahtzee

The two of them, although they didn’t know it at the time, were heading for the end of the line.
“Why didn’t we see Gerald’s garage?” asked Dave Dee.
“Don’t know, I fell asleep, when I woke up, I didn’t recognise anything.” Replied Mick.
“I’m not sure if I fell asleep or not. How long have we been on this thing?”
Mick replied, “I wish I had a watch.”
“Go down and ask the driver, come to think of it, where are all the other passengers?”
Mick looked round, slightly standing up, “There’s no-one else up here.”

Mick got up and told Dave Dee he was going down stairs to see what was happening, a little unsteadily he walked to the top of the stairs. At the top, he couldn’t believe what he saw. “Dave, come here.” Dave Dee got up and walked over, “Shit, what the hell is that?”
“Don’t know, what the fuck is going on?” They both looked out of the upstairs windows of the bus, outside they appeared to be in the middle of the English countryside, part of the English countryside they did not recognise granted, but that wasn’t it, they were now more aware of the greenish glow that appeared to surround them in the night sky.
“This is weird man!” Dave Dee turned his attention back to the top of the stairs of the bus. “That looks like a vortex.”
“A what?” questioned Mick.
“You know, one of those vortex things.”
“A window to another dimension?” asked Mick in a pseudo boffin type way.
“Yer.” Replied Dave Dee, staring at the swirling iridescent mist at the top of the bus stairs. Mick looked at Dave Dee, “look, I know those mushrooms were strong mate, but surely they are not still in our system.” Mick nudged Dave, who seemed to not have heard what he just said. Dave Dee just stood transfixed by the vortex. “Oi, knob-end, did you hear what I just said?” To Mick’s surprise, Dave Dee seemed to fall in slow motion forward towards the vortex. Mick, too late, realised what was happening and tried to grab him, but Dave Dee suddenly disappeared into the swirling mist.

At that point there was a thud, a crack, a sound of tumbling and rolling and then a, “bloody hell”…..
Mick shouted down the stairs, “are you alright?”
From beneath the mist there was a pause, and then came Dave’s voice, “It’s just the downstairs of the bus down here!”
“Not another dimension, then?” shouted Mick…..
“No” replied Dave Dee.
“Hang on, I’m coming down,” shouted Mick and gingerly stepped into the fug, slowly step after step he descended down the stairs and then he fell.

He landed about two feet away from Dave Dee. “Where are we?” asked a bewildered Mick.
“I don’t know, I think it’s….Croydon,” replied Dave Dee.
“You told me it was the downstairs of the bus!” exclaimed Mick.
“I thought you wouldn’t follow me if I told you it might be Croydon” smiled Dave Dee. Mick, still looking around and taking it in, said, “Yer, I think you’re right it’s Croydon alright.” They got up off the ground and Mick walked towards a news-stand, Dave Dee walked up behind him, “it’s weird, no one noticed when you fell out of the sky.”
“Maybe that happens all the time in Croydon.” Replied Mick, “hey, look at this, the date on the newspaper, it’s last Saturday,”
“Shit, that’s the day we took the mushrooms.” Answered Dave Dee. “We’ve got to get to Dulwich. Look there’s a tube station.” The two ran towards the station and went down the escalator, “What’s the time?” asked Lee. “Four pm” replied Dave Dee, looking at the digital clock above the escalator.
“At five, we were buying the mushrooms from Dirty Steve in the park in Dulwich, do you reckon we can get there in time?”
“Do you think Thursday will be there?” asked Dave Dee in a dreamy distant voice, Mick stopped in his tracks, looked at the floor, and replied, “I hope so.”
The train was at the platform and they hopped on. It rumbled towards Dulwich and both were quiet. Then Mick said, “Ok, if this is really happening, then we can put everything right.”
“What do you mean?” asked Dave Dee.
“Thursday, everything, don’t you see, she doesn’t have to take the mushrooms, if we get there and stop her, she won’t take the mushrooms, she won’t choke later on, and she won’t die in the woods.” Said Mick.
“How do we stop her?” asked Dave Dee.
“We are here now, we can go up to ourselves, and her and stop them…us, them, whatever.”
“That’s if we get there in time.” Replied Dave. The train rumbled on.

At four thirty-five, the two appeared above ground at Dulwich tube station, the park was fifteen minutes away, they were going to make it, and ran towards the park, ten minutes later they got to the gates. Dave put his hands on his knees, Mick hurried him up and they ran toward the hill and where the transaction should be taking place in ten minutes time. Before they got there they saw themselves. “Shit, there we are!” exclaimed Mick.
“There’s Thursday,” replied Dave.

The two dropped to a hunched position, themselves were about two hundred metres away and walking towards the copse of trees at the bottom of the hill, they couldn’t see Steve.
“C’mon” said Mick and started walking quickly towards themselves, Dave Dee followed. Themselves and Thursday were in front of them, but weren’t walking fast, Thursday was on Mick’s back, giggling and flicking Dave Dee’s ear, Dave was trying to swat her flicks like they were tiny flies, he was laughing too. As Dave and Mick approached themselves something strange happened though, themselves and Thursday seemed to thin, becoming transparent. Dave said to Mick, “Stop.”
The pair stopped and as themselves got further away again, they become more definite, more solid.
“Shit, what going on?” asked Dave Dee.
“I don’t know,” replied Mick, “maybe it’s a dimensional thing, two bodies occupying the same time and space or something.”

The two started to walk towards themselves again, when they were within twenty metres or so it was as though themselves and Thursday had totally vanished. They stopped and themselves and Thursday slowly appeared as they continued to walk further away from Mick and Dave Dee.
“Were not going to be able to get close to them.” Said Mick.
“Can we shout?” asked Dave Dee.
“I don’t know, I’ll try.” There was a pause, “what do I say?” asked Mick.
Dave Dee replied, “just shout, stop”.
Mick shouted, “Dave, stop, it’s me.” Themselves and Thursday were only translucent due to proximity, but definitely within earshot, they did not respond.
Mick shouted again, “Mick.” Not response. Then Dave Dee shouted, “Thursday, can you hear me?” For a brief moment, Thursday seemed to stop her flicking and turn slightly towards them, but then returned to her frolicking.
Dave Dee and Mick stopped and watched themselves and Thursday becoming more solid as they walked away into the distance.
“This isn’t going to work.” Said Mick.
“Oh fuck, we can’t stop them.” Replied Dave Dee.

From a distance Dave Dee and Mick watched as themselves and Thursday buy the mushrooms and go off to the woods at the far end of the park. They sat and watched themselves ingest them and Thursday ingest more than her fair share. They sat and watched the whole grisly saga unfold knowing exactly what would happen next, reliving that terrible night of seven days ago, they couldn’t do anything, everything happened as before and it was hell.

Thursday’s last breath was just leaving her body when Dave said, “Why didn’t we see Gerald’s garage?”
“Don’t know, I fell asleep, when I woke up, I didn’t recognise anything.” Replied Mick.
“I’m not sure if I fell asleep or not. How long have we been on this thing?”
Mick replied, “I wish I had a watch.”
“Go down and ask the driver, come to think of it, where are all the other passengers?”
Mick looked round, slightly standing up, “There’s no-one else up here.”

“Mick” said Dave Dee.
“What?” Asked Mick.
“We have been here before.” Replied Dave Dee.
“Shit, I remember, oh shit, this is bad!”
“We didn’t save Thursday, so we’re back here.”
”We’re in purgatory?”
“Well it’s a bus, not a limo, but it is limbo”
“Go look at the stairwell.” Suggested Mick. Dave Dee walked over to it unsteadily, “Yup, the vortex.” Said Dave Dee, then added, “shit!”
“Looks like we’re going to Croydon.” Replied Mick.
“We could stay on the bus.” Suggested Dave Dee. They both looked around at the shabby interior of the doubledecker bus and Mick said “after you?” and Dave Dee stepped into the vortex.

The two of them landed in exactly the same place as last time, at exactly the same time. Yet again no one seemed to notice them fall from the sky. “Do you know what?” asked Mick, “I don’t think anyone can see us you know.” Dave Dee stood up and walked up to a passing old lady, he said excuse me, but she ignored him, he then tried to get the attention of a passing businessman, yet again, there was no response.
“Your right” said Dave.
“Well done” said a deep voice behind them, they both spun around.
“Who are you?” asked Dave Dee.
“Who do you think?” Asked the man.
“Well you look like Morgan Freeman dressed in white,” said Dave.
“Which makes me?” asked the man
“God?” asked Mick. Dave Dee laughed and hit Mick in the arm.
The man said “Yahtzee!”

“What, your God, is that what you are saying?” Asked Dave Dee
“Yes, I’m God.” Replied the man looking a bit peevish, “That’s why you are talking to me, when no mortal can either see you, or hear you”
“So we’re dead?” Asked Mick
“Well you’re in Croydon aren’t you?” replied God.
Mick turned to Dave Dee and leaned in, whispering, “why did he say Yahtzee?”
“I am omnipotent you know, I heard that, and it is because I think Yahtzee is seriously underrated, I’m trying to get it back in the public psyche…..plus I created it.”
“Fair enough.”
“It’s a game for all the family with dice and no gambling, it’s great” continued God, “anyway” said God seemingly a little annoyed, “I guess it’s time to talk about why you are here.”
The two looked at each other nervously at the prospect of some kind of judgement. Then Mick piped up, “Is there a Devil, then?”
“Yes there is a Devil, she is currently taking the earthly form of Amy Winehouse and when she is out of her head, Sarah Jessica Parker.”
“Blimey that makes sense.” Commented Dave.
“And, as I said to Yul Brynner, it always does, when it’s too late.”
“He’s a bit of a name dropper,” whispered Dave in Mick’s ear, Dave Dee then winced and paused and turned to God, “Sorry, I forgot.”
God looked at him as though he might smite him at any moment and then said, “right down to business.”

God then went on to explain that when they had stolen the car to take Thursday to hospital, it had crashed. Thursday, was already dead by this time, Mick and Dave unfortunately died instantly in the crash, but were due to go straight to Heaven, unfortunately Thursday was not, as a result God explained that their Souls had sort of changed the original scheme of things by boycotting Heaven. Unfortunately God could not send them to Hell because they had pure Souls, so they were held here in purgatory. In no small measure to the love that the two of them were obviously showing, to hold out for Thursday, before going to Heaven, God had now decided to allow Thursday into Heaven. He decided that she could not be all bad, if Dave Dee and Mick loved her so much. And “Beaky and Tich” Dave Dee added at this point. “Dozy’s not too keen on her, but he’s a miserable git.” He added as an afterthought. “Anyway” God went on, frowning at Dave Dee, it appears she was waiting on the bus at this very moment and when they returned they would all be on the way to Heaven.

“Blimey!” Said Mick
“You don’t muck around, do you God” said Dave Dee
“Time is money.” Said God
“What had Thursday done though, not to be going to Heaven?” Asked Dave
“You will have to ask Thursday that.” Replied God.
“How do we get back on the bus?” Asked Mick.
“Go to a bus stop, it’s that one over there.” replied God.
“The one that goes to Camberwell?”
“Yup” replied God, “anyway, I’ve got to be going, don’t go upsetting the fabric of the universe again.”
“Sorry.” Said Mick. And with that, there was a blinding light and God vanished.

The two of them waited at the bus stop silently, then Dave said, “Why didn’t we see Gerald’s garage?”
“Don’t know, I fell asleep, when I woke up, I didn’t recognise anything.” Replied Mick.
“I’m not sure if I fell asleep or not. How long have we been on this thing?”
Mick replied, “I wish I had a watch.”
“Go down and ask the driver, come to think of it, where are all the other passengers?”
Mick looked round, slightly standing up, “There’s no-one else up here.”
“Hang on, yes there is, Thursday is at the back of the bus, asleep.” Mick went to the back of the bus and shook her gently, Thursday woke up, bleary eyed she asked, “Where am I?”
Mick looked at Dave Dee and said “we’re dead Thursday, but we’re going in the right direction.” The three walked to the front of the bus and Dave sat down, Mick and Thursday sat beside him, everything was more dream like then the previous two journeys on the bus and the three all found it difficult to muster any conversation.

After a while Mick asked Thursday why she might not of got into Heaven. Thursday turned slowly and replied, “Do you know that old women next door, that I look after?”
“Yup.” Replied Dave
“I’ve been stealing her Giro.”
“What Gladys’.” Asked Mick.
“Yes.” Replied Thursday.
“Jesus, why” said Dave.
“Don’t know” answered Thursday.

From the back of the bus came a voice…..it was Gladys, “Don’t worry about that my child, I knew you were stealing from me all along, I just enjoyed your company really” said Gladys.

The four of them fell silent as time seemed to pass, how long, they could not tell.

The light shone through Mick’s eyelids and he stirred, “Urr, what’s the time?” he asked, then he realised he had a watch. He opened his eyes shading them from the glare, it was ten forty-five in the morning, beside him lay Dave Dee covered in brown leaves and lying on the dew ridden green grass of Dulwich Park. Thursday was curled up between them, she stirred and rubbed her eyes. Slowly the three of them got up. “God, I feel crap.” Said Mick.
“Me to” replied Dave Dee.
Mick said “let’s go home.” Thursday was quiet, “Gladys isn’t here,” she murmured. Mick and Dave Dee looked at each other, then Mick said “Maybe we should phone an ambulance when we get back.” The other two mournfully nodded, and the three of them bewilderedly wondered back towards their flat.

After a while, Mick said to the other two, “I fancy a game of Yahtzee when we get home, what do you think?” A smile broke across Thursday’s and Dave’s faces and they nodded in agreement, suddenly the day seemed rosier and the sun shone down on them as they meandered home.