The Bard in Brief

A MIDSUMMER NIGHT’S (EROTIC) DREAM
Fairy seduces ass

RICHARD the SECOND
Sceptered Isle makes shameful conquest of itself.

HENRY IV – Part Two
Young Harry gets pissed with his mates.

HENRY V
You feelthy Ingleesh peegs. I cut off your feengers if you fire zat bow and arr…

AS YOU LIKE IT
Fun and frolics in a forest.

JULIUS CAESAR
Infamy, infamy – they’ve all got it in for me.

THE TEMPEST
There was a young sorcerer’s daughter,
A sailor did chase till he caught her;
Her hair became curled,
By this bright, brave new world
That she craved like she just shouldn’t oughta.

MACBETH
Bloody Scots!

TITUS ANDRONICUS
Bloody Romans Too!

TIMON OF ATHENS
And as for the Greeks …

RICHARD III
Dear Will,
Just thought I’d drop you a few lines. Hope all’s well with you and yours. As for me, I think no creature loves me. Even the dogs bark at me. Brother Ned died and two of the nephews went missing. All much ado about nothing, in my view.
Well, of course after that we had a somewhat discontented winter but the summer was glorious. We’re planning a few days away soon. Some kind of horse riding holiday in the Midlands, near Market Bosworth Anne says.
I’ve got a bad feeling about this so I do hope it ends well.

Best Wishes
Dick.

ROMEO AND JULIET
Soppy, bleedin’ teenage anxst. The parents are at fault.

HAMLET
The bereaved contemplates murder.
Or is it suicide? I can never decide. Neither can he.

TWELTH NIGHT
Three weddings and a shipwreck.

THE WNTER’S TALE
Watch out for that bear. Oops! Too late.

KING LEAR
Everyone dies.

HENRY VIII
All is true.