Dealing with Bloodsuckers

Dealing with Bloodsuckers

 

“Ouch, that hurts,” she said.

 

“It’s just a little shock. After a few times you almost
don’t even notice it,” replied the male. “See?” He then went back and forth
through the mosquito zapper a few times.

 

“I don’t like it.”

 

“I think it’s pretty cool. It wasn’t that expensive and I
installed it in half an hour.”

 

“It hurts.”

 

“Well, then, don’t go outside.” The man smiled then
continued, “Look, I just put one of these gadgets in each corner of the door,”
he said pointing to little black metallic triangles gleaming from the
periphery. “The only hard part was making them all exactly ninety degrees. But
they beep when they are situated and reading each other. It was mostly just
tightening and loosening screws until they were exactly correct. Isn’t it
cool?”

 

“Just close the door and turn on the air conditioning.”

 

“Come on, baby. This thing uses one-tenth the electricity in
a twenty-four-hour period than running most AC units for one hour.”

 

“I don’t like it.” She then gave one of the pouts that she
was becoming more and more fond of using as their relationship progressed.

 

“You like the environment, right? We’re not allowed to eat
steak anymore because you are worried about the environment. I guess
also because you don’t like steak, so I can no longer eat it.”

 

“It’s stupid. It’s probably hurting your dog too.”

 

“No...watch. Lucie!” he yelled. A few moments later the dog
padded out into the living room, a comical, happy look on her face, mouth wide
and panting. Although getting older, with a few grey hairs coming through on
her face and tail, she always came when called. He then went outside and called
her again. She followed him out with no visible signs of discomfort, then
followed him in when he returned. “See?”

 

“I still don’t like it.”

 

“The instructions say that at the lowest setting it only
kills 83% of average-sized houseflies, but will kill all mosquitoes.”

 

“What about the highest setting?”

 

“It will probably kill a rat or even a kitten, and possibly
someone with a heart problem. They only recommend the highest setting for areas
that people don’t go, where rat-infestation might occur.”

 

“What’s wrong with a screen door?”

 

“You know Lucie keeps breaking them. He can’t break an
electromagnetic field of energy, but just pass through it.”

 

“Lucifer is a stupid name for a dog.”

 

“Most people don’t know his full name, they think I mean Lucy.”

 

“Yeah, well my parents hate it. They think you are a devil
worshipper.”

 

“It’s meant to be ironic, ya know, like calling a big man, Tiny.
Labs are pretty friendly dogs. I don’t know why you opted to tell your parents
anyway.”

 

“I tell my parents everything.”

 

“You tell them about our sex life, huh?”

 

“When I feel like it. They think naming anything after the
devil is very bad.”

 

“I’m not fond of the way they named their cat Fluffy,
but I try not to judge.”

 

“You don’t have any right to judge what they name anything.”

 

“Of course I don’t.”

 

“I don’t like your mosquito zapper thingie, so turn
it off.”

 

“Well, just don’t go outside.”

 

“Turn it off or you aren’t getting laid tonight.”

 

“Fine, I’ll turn it off. You’ll get bit by mosquitoes.”

 

“If I get bit by mosquitoes then you aren’t getting laid
tonight.”

 

“Fine, I guess I’m not getting laid tonight.”

 

“Baby...” she started in her shrill,
I-think-I-can-get-anything-I-want-if-use-this-tone voice, “Can’t we just turn
on the air conditioner?”

 

“I’m not going to do that. I will turn off the mosquito
zapper, if you really want me to, but I’m leaving the door open.”

 

“Fine.”

 

“Okay,” he said then went outside to the control panel to
turn it off.

 

“It’s also stupid that you didn’t put it inside.”

 

“Well, there’s an outlet right out here. The cord is kind of
small and there aren’t any outlets close to the door on the inside” After
turning the device off, he came back in. “So, what do you want for dinner?”

 

“I want you to order something expensive. I don’t like your
cooking,” she said slyly, then giggled.

 

“Fine, what do you want to eat?”

 

“Oh my god! I was just bitten by a mosquito!”

 

“It’s Spring; I live near a lake; and it’s dusk, all are
perfect for mosquitoes. And...you did tell me to turn off the zapper that was
preventing them from coming in.”

 

“If you didn’t buy that stupid zapper! ...I hate you.”

 

“Would you like me to turn it back on?”

 

“Whatever,” she said, scratching her wrist, “my mom was
right about you. She always said that you would end up hurting me.”

 

“Did she now?” he asked with a sigh. “I’m getting a little
tired of this. Can we have a relationship without your parents constantly
involved?”

 

“No.”

 

After going outside again, the man paused for a moment,
thinking. “Baby, come here for a second.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I want to show you something,” he said wondering about her
heart problem and turning the setting to the maximum.