Astronomy News

It was announced earlier today that astronomers at the Tipton Astronomical Institute have finally discovered what the famous 'dark matter' that makes up a large amount of the universe actually consists of.
"We have discovered," said Professor Kerplunk, "that well over 76% of this dark matter is, in fact, tea."

Some theoretical astrophysicist have already begun to speculate that if this so-called dark (or black) tea could somehow be brought into direct contact with the Milky Way in the correct proportions - i.e. not too strong or not too weak, in other words - A Nice Cup Of Tea could result.

Such a 'nice cup of tea' could - if current theories are correct - produce enough energy to make faster than light space travel - at least theoretically - feasible, thus making space travel beyond the solar system possible. That is providing, of course, that the conservation of energy law known as 'the Tea Break Horizon' can somehow be circumvented.

Several theoretical astrophysicists are currently working on some equations to reconcile the new 'Nice Cup Of Tea' theory with the now well-understood Universal Law of Biscuits which they hope will one day become a General Theory Of Tea Breaks and thus find a way of circumventing the Tea Break Barrier.

Also, there have been some recent - unconfirmed - sightings by the Hubble telescope of what appears to be white (lumpy) matter in a few distant galaxies. Astronomers have tentatively identified this mysterious substance as sugar cubes. Which, if true, means that now astronomers are one step closer to answering that universal question that has haunted humankind since time immemorial: 'one lump or two?'