Can I tell you a story?

Can I tell you a story?
Just don't tell anyone, ok.
I mean, really
I struggle to tell myself.

Born
frightened
mummy's boy
suffocated me
hid it
hid well
bullied
found new places to hide
booze
tapping the source
numbing the man

Ran
away
in planes, afar
searching for traces
connections
fragile me
held together
by excess
ill.
Ready to move on
snuff out the self

Still here!
broken by love's confusion
again and again
fear dictating
again and again
searching, in books
for a glimpse
of my name
again and again
parents:
the saviour? Insane

Oceans wide
pills steadied ship
therapy
anchored,
some order
a job, money
fiancee - joy!
truth known
hardly felt
with these gloved hands
the coward stands

House
cars
no more bars
high wiring my way
behind a mock facade
very few know
anxiety, fear rule
for I live a life of
very few clues
You opened, you read
enough said

Yet, I demand more
of this
of what?
life here,
with you, with it
more time
unpeel
to speak the unsaid
to feel the unfelt
to do the undone
a life worth living