Creaky House IV

Emma climbed the attic steps and stood next to Uncle Ned.

“Well, I’ll be damned!” said Emma. “Who on earth would have done such a thing?”

“I don’t know,” said Uncle Ned.

“Well, it’s downright creepy," said Emma.

Uncle Ned stepped up to the closed coffin that lay on the attic floor.

“Who on earth would put a coffin in the attic?" said Uncle Ned.

“I imagine it’s the same person who brought in the headstone," said Emma. “Look."

The headstone stood where it would have stood, had the coffin been six feet under.

Uncle Ned read the inscription:

“Eckbert von Creaky
Born 1492 Died 1591, 1690, 1789, 1888, 1987
I’m due for a demise in 2086
But I’ll be back."

“Eckbert von Creaky?" said Emma.

“I certainly never heard of him," said Uncle Ned.
“Foreign cousin, I suppose. But more likely someone’s idea of a joke."

Uncle Ned bent down to open the lid.

“Step back, Emma," said Uncle Ned. “No telling what the hell’s in here."

“I wish you wouldn’t, Ned," said Emma. “This can’t be good."

“I just can’t leave it here, Emma. Not knowing if it’s empty or not. If it’s empty, fine. If not, well, dead is dead. Just one more Creaky for the cemetery.”

Uncle Ned reached down and lifted open the coffin lid.

“Is it half past dusk already?” said Eckbert.

“Hey! You’re not Frederick!”

“No,” said Uncle Ned. “I’m not! And you ain’t dead! What the hell are you doing in my attic?”

Eckbert sat up and wiped the sleep out of his eyes.

“I mean you no harm, my good man,” said Ecbert.
“But I’ve traveled a long way to get here and when I arrived here a few months back there didn’t seem to be anyone at home. Away on your summer holiday, apparently. So Frederick and I made ourselves comfortable. We wanted to be as unobtrusive as possible, so we chose the attic space. You did got my letters, of course?”

“No,” said Uncle Ned. “And what might have been in them letters?”

“They were letters of introduction,” said Eckbert. “Announcing the arrival of Count Eckbert von Creaky of Transylvania! Your dear ancient cousin.”

“Oh, for crying out loud! Transylvania? Really?” said Uncle Ned. “It’s all very funny, but who put you up to this?”

“You find this funny, do you?” said Eckbert.

“Coffin. Headstone. Transylvanian vampire in your attic. All very amused are we? All right then. Let’s see you yuck it up now!”

With that, Eckbert reached for his cape in order to conceal his dramatic transformation into a vampire bat, but all he managed to do was knock himself onto the attic floor when the cape he was sitting on did not budge.

Eckbert lay there on the rug runner for a moment, in an attempt to gain his composure.

“OK,” said Eckbert. “Let me try that one more time.”

Eckbert again reached for the cape, but only managed to grab onto the end of the rug runner.

He then rolled himself up, cigar style.

“When you’re done,” said Uncle Ned. “We’ll be in the kitchen having coffee.”

“Sounds good,” said Eckbert, “Give me a few minutes.”

“We’ll be waiting,” said Uncle Ned.