Hans and the Flying Cow

Mr. Schmeckenpepper, the owner of the corner cafe, sat down to his morning coffee and struedel, and unfolded the morning newspaper:

Local Cow Falls In Well

A much beloved heifer was found yesterday morning at the bottom of a local farmers' well. Mr. Thuddle, the farmer, and owner of the injured cow they called Helen, was quite shook up.

"How does a cow fall into a well!" thundered Mr. Thuddle, as a thirsty throng of Thuddles had settled themselves around the Thuddle's stone well. "My wife Thelma and our three thumb suckers, Thadeus, Zeus and Theodore are thourghly beside themselves with sadness over this."

How does a cow fall into a well, indeed. Accident? Or was she pushed. We may never know.

Helen, the cow, is doing well, but is expected to be entertaining a pair of crutches for at least six weeks. Get well cards and any back issues of "Alice, the Practical Cow" comic books would be appreciated.

"I know how a cow could fall into a well," said Hans.

Mr. Schmeckenpepper looked over his shoulder and into the soulful eyes of Hans Christian Andersen.

"Hans!" shouted Mr. Schmeckenpepper. "What do you mean by reading over my shoulder while I'm having the coffee and struedel?"

Hans grabbed a chair and half the struedel and began telling Mr. Schmeckenpepper the tale of the flying cow.

"When I was a little boy," started Hans. "Father shot a cow that was stealing our chickens."

Mr. Schmeckenpepper leaned back in his seat and stared.

"One evening," continued Hans, "Father was on his way to the hen-house to collect some eggs for our supper when he spotted the thieving cow on the roof of our barn. When the cow saw Father, she tried to hide her bulk - and several prized chickens - behind the weather vane, but Father wasn't fooled for a second. He spotted her udders immediately and ran for his gun."

Mr. Schmeckenpepper's nose began to twitch.

"But when Father returned with his gun, the cow was no longer on the roof of our barn; she was on the roof of our house! And when Father stepped down off the front porch, that beastly bovine flew off the roof and knocked Father to the ground.

"The two of them tussled and turned - and then the gun went off! I was watching from my bedroom window and was so dumbfounded I couldn't move!"

Mr. Schmeckenpepper furrowed his brow and wiggled his ears.

"When the dust had settled, it was so quiet, you could hear a hen fart.

"Fortunately, Father was not harmed." Hans continued. "The cow, on the other hand, suffered a black eye and much humiliation. Father sent her to a home for wayward barnyard animals and never said a word about the flying cow again.

"So, you see, Mr. Schmeckenpepper, I could see how a cow could fall into a well. If a cow could fly, anything's possible."

Mr. Schmeckenpepper went back to his newspaper and chose to ignore the presence of Hans.

Doctor's orders.