Igor Gets the Finger

Igor watched in mock horror as the creature stuck a bulky index finger into an open lamp socket.

"Ooh! Naughty, naughty! That's a bad boy! Now go and put that finger back in Mr. Mortimer's coffin before anyone knows it's missing!"

Igor hated funerals, but Mr. Mortimer was a friend.

"No, no, no! You big oaf! Put that back! That's not funny! And zip him up when you're done. We’re in a public place, for cripes sake!”

Mr. Mortimer was a failed attempt on Igor's part to piece together a mentor like his beloved Dr. Frankenstein. But no sooner was Mr. Mortimer standing on his own two feet that little bits and pieces of him would shake loose as he rambled about the Frankenstein castle.

There were toes discovered in the Kitty Litter box; ears uncovered in the ashtray, and a nostril was once found floating in the toilet.

It was only a matter of time before Mr. Mortimer fell apart altogether. And on the day of that eventuality, Igor and the creature took Mr. Mortimer swimming at the public pool.

At the pool, Igor and the creature had encouraged Mr. Mortimer to make use of the high dive. Mr. Mortimer was agreeable and climbed his way to the top.

Once on top, Mr. Mortimer stood at the very end of the board and executed an immaculate triple somersault, landing, fingers first, into about nine square feet of concrete.

As the papers reported the next day, Mr. Mortimer was standing backwards, and at the wrong end of the diving board, seemingly oblivious to the cries of “Don’t jump! Don't jump!"

It is speculated that since Mr. Mortimer's fist name was Don, the cries of "Don’t jump! Don’t jump!" may have confused the ear-less and poorly sewn together experimental man.

After saying their goodbyes to dear Mr. Mortimer at the funeral home, Igor and the insecure, thumb sucking, creature took a mournful walk back to the castle.

It would be a good half-hour before Igor realized that the creature was not sucking on his own thumb.