Why Diner Sores are Extinct

Once upon a time, Kenny - a caveman and traveling salesman - walked into a local diner and ordered a cup of Joe.

"More Joe?" said the waitress.

"You bet," said Kenny. "This Joe is great, but these seats have got to go. It's like sitting on a rock."

"You are sitting on a rock," said the waitress.
"Nothing around here but rocks."

"Is that why everyone in here walks so funny?" said Kenny.

"Yeah. They sit on rocks all day," said the waitress, "drink bottomless cups of Joe, and talk about there having to be a better way to enjoy a cup of Joe then by sitting on rocks.

As a result, they've all developed diner sores on their bottoms.

"It's the old-timers who get them the worse," continued the waitress. "They sit here for hours on end talking about better ways of doing things, though they never do anything to make the ways better.

"No. I take that back. There once was a guy who did more than talk about a thing. His name was Sid, and he thought it might be a good idea to cover the diner's hole-in-the-wall entrance, to help keep out the freezing winds and rain. He even went home and worked on it. But he came back several days later and said that it couldn't be done. 'A hole is a hole,' he said to his counter mates. 'Or it wouldn't be much of a hole. Once you have made the hole,' he said to his captive audience, 'there is no going back!'

There commenced a lot of murmuring and Joe slurping, then they all went back to rubbing their sores and thinking about something else."

Kenny sipped his cup of Joe and thought about the diner sore problem.

"I've got it!" he said.

The diner patrons all turned in Kenny's direction.

"I'll be right back!" said Kenny.

A few minutes later Kenny returned with a furry sack filled with ointment.

"I made it myself," said Kenny. "It's furry-goo. I got it from one of the furry things roaming the canyon. I've been selling it as a chest hair relaxer, but who knows what its capable of. Here, let me rub some of this on your bottoms."

The startled patrons of Og's diner were stunned as Kenny began applying the soothing goo.

To the cavemen at Og's diner, the notion of goo from a furry-thing being rubbed on their bottoms was a new one, and, as was demonstrated with the hole-in-the-wall conflict, they didn't take to new ideas.

Unfortunately, Kenny did not survive his attempt to enlighten the dark minds at Og's, but was snatched up; thrown in with the morning stew, and served up as a last minute luncheon special: Kenny in a Pot w/Crackers.

The furry-goo would eventually go on to be a huge success, but Kenny was never given any credit for the extinction of the diner sores.

Such is history.

Footnote: One day a Columbian salesman named Jorge was dining at Og's, and talked Og into buying something called coffee. It was such a huge success that Og dropped the cup of Joe from his menu - which was a huge relief to all guys named Joe.