T: 2/24/03

Work Diary, 2/24/03

1. I'm starting to think that people who diet and try to quit smoking
actually hate themselves. Oh, I know it's supposed to be the opposite:
We slim down and forego cancer sticks to treat ourselves better, but is
that really true? Think about it: It all has to do with denying what
you want, as if the body is a separate entity at war with the mind. Why
can't the two work together?

2. I'm plugging away at my book, which is currently titled "Book." I'm
thinking the title might be "Mr. Crazy" or "Crazy Ugly." Essentially
it's about a detached man who's functional but not very likeable.
Naturally, a lot of it's autobiographical, but the "crazy" part is
giving me a headache. I'm not crazy or detached and trying to
understand that part of the character's mind is more difficult than I
thought it would be. If I weren't so lazy I'd dig through my old
college psychology texts and make sure I'm getting it right, but I am
lazy and those books are stacked under three tons of old carpet, bad
paperback novels, and 1950s lamps that haven't seen the light of day in
ten years.

3. The other night I was in bed, half-asleep with the TV blaring. My
partner was watching some show that occasionally peaked my interest. At
one point, I drifted off entirely, only to wake up with an odd pressure
on the side of my face. I tilted my head and the TV remote dropped to
my pillow. My partner had been using my head as a table to place the
remote within easy reaching distance. I'm beginning to think he doesn't
respect me anymore.

4. I ate a total of three pints of Ben &; Jerry's ice cream this
weekend, or 3,360 delicious calories. I haven't been to the gym in over
a week. Is it any surprise the bathroom scale told me I weigh 200
pounds this morning (really it was 200.5, but I don't count that half
pound because I figure my underwear and socks must weigh something)?
Tonight I'm planning to try my Yoga tape - the one with the strange guy
with thick legs and love handles who looks like an Albanian refugee -
and I even picked up a non-slip mat for the whole ordeal. Last time I
tried the tape, my left foot wedged itself up against a chair and the
dog stood beneath me yipping and whining at my strange position. I
lasted four minutes.

5. I dreamed last night that a friend of mine from New York had a sex
change. She was sitting on the toilet showing off her new equipment,
which basically put her in the top 1\% of males as far as equipment
goes (ahem). The dream then switched to a frantic race between myself
and my aunt to remove a bunch of potted plants from some stranger's
porch. This is why I don't put any stock in dream interpretation.