Stratford Man
By Jedediah-Smith
Sun, 05 Jan 2014
- 352 reads
FADE IN:
EXT. TRINITY CHURCH, STRATFORD-UPON-AVON, ENGLAND – DAY
An enchanting little chapel by the Avon River. TOURISTS find their way to the main entrance. One of them is JONATHAN SKYE, a 52 year-old American scholar. He wears a baseball cap and a flannel shirt.
INT. TRINITY CHURCH, STRATFORD-UPON-AVON
SKYE enters. A NUN offers him a pamphlet.
NUN
Welcome,sir.
SKYE
No,thanks. I know where I am.
Skye joins tourists near the altar. They look down on the floor where a vase of flowers sits alongside an upright sign: THE GRAVE OF THE POET WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE 1564-1616. Skye looks up and we see a bust of Shakespeare on the wall holding a quill.
CUT TO:
INT. STRATFORD-UPON-AVON COLLEGE – DAY
Skye is delivering a POWER POINT presentation to a room full of COLLEAGUES.
SKYE
Shakespeare’s funeral bust and the engraving underneath clearly show that our man from Stratford was a writer, and therefore the author of the plays. He wasn’t just a country bumpkin as the snobs would have us believe.
The room rumbles with CHUCKLES.
SKYE (CONT’D)
The question is not ‘Who wrote Shakespeare?’ The question is ‘Who the hell was Shakespeare?’ I’d like to know, wouldn’t you?
Skye points to a British student, TIM, who has his hand raised.
TIM
But if the Stratford man was a playwright, why were there no manuscripts left in his will?
SKYE
I’m not going to answer any more silly questions today.
Another British student, SHARON, raises her hand.
SKYE (CONT’D)
Yes,ma’am?
SHARON
Dr. Skye, I read your book—
SKYE
Which one?
More CHUCKLES.
SHARON
“1616.” I thought you’d put this matter to rest. Don’t we eventually have to accept that we’re never going to get the answers we want?
SKYE
You mean stop searching?
SHARON
I mean, does the biography even matter next to the divine genius of his plays?
SKYE
Divine genius of his plays?... Way to put him on a pedestal.
More CHUCKLES.
SHARON
You’re not a fan?
SKYE
If it’s between going to Lincoln Center for King Lear and staying home to watch the Yankees, I’ll take the latter.
More CHUCKLES. SCOTT, an American professor in his thirties, raises his hand.
SKYE (CONT’D)
Scott.
SCOTT
How could you write “Shakespeare’s Women” then?
SKYE
I wrote that when I was a young enthusiast like yourself.
SCOTT
You no longer consider him a great artist?
SKYE
Sure I do. But I disagree with Ben Jonson. The plays were of an age. Not for all time. In 2014, they’re a snore.
TERRY, a bespectacled British professor in his fifties, raises his hand.
SKYE (CONT’D)
Terry.
TERRY
When is the next book coming out?
SKYE
I knew you’d rub that in.
More CHUCKLES. Skye returns to his POWER POINT.
SKYE (CONT’D)
To say we should give up on William’s biography is to ignore the record. All the time we’re collecting little pieces. Look at the discovery of the portrait in ’09. And I think we’re putting off the one thing that could teach us the most about the Bard. That’s why I plan to dig him up…
MUTTERING runs through the classroom.
SCOTT
Dig him up?
SKYE
Right.
SCOTT
…Literally?
SKYE
I’ve conferred with the Church of England, and they’ve asked for 20,000 signatures.
Skye brings up a website on the screen.
SKYE (CONT’D)
Digupthebard.com. Go there, and add your name to this historic project.
There is a rumble of confusion, excitement, and laughter from the colleagues.
SHARON
Sir, what could be so beneficial about exhuming him?
SKYE
We could reconstruct his face. Learn his health history. What he died of. If he was indeed poisoned by his son-in-law.
TERRY
That story is hogwash.
SKYE
We’ll find out, won’t we? Mainly I’d like to confirm my theory that Shakespeare smoked marijuana.
A rumble of nervous LAUGHTER. In the back of the lecture hall, DANIEL HOUSE, a distinguished–looking Englishman in his late sixties, looks worried.
CUT TO:
EXT. STRATFORD-UPON-AVON COLLEGE - DAY
Skye and House stroll away from the College where a sign reads: SHAKESPEARE WORLD CONFERENCE - HAPPY 450TH BIRTHDAY, WILL! Skye smokes a cigarette as they walk.
HOUSE
I see you've become more. . . innovative in your studies, Jon.
SKYE
Don't try and stand in my way.
HOUSE
The head of the Birthplace Trust hasn't the authority. Nor would we necessarily object to such a thing. Christ, it might help end the ridiculous authorship controversy.
SKYE
Then why do you look so worried?
HOUSE
I'm not worried. Not about Shakespeare's carcass. . . You really think this is worth it?
SKYE
I'm getting hundreds of e-signatures every day, Daniel. I know people care about this.
HOUSE
Don't forget the doggerel on his grave.
SKYE
Shit.
HOUSE
(goulishly)
"Blessed be the man who spares these stones and--"
SKYE
"And curst be he that moves my bones." I don't believe anybody's blessed, and I'm already cursed, so fuck it.
House looks at Skye sympathetically. They walk on.
CUT TO:
INT. THE BLACK SWAN BAR - NIGHT
SKYE and HOUSE are seated at a table. SKYE visits his beer a lot more often than HOUSE visits his.
HOUSE
I was sorry to hear. How is Mary coping?
SKYE
Your guess is as good as mine.
HOUSE
You're kidding.
A WAITRESS approaches the table.
WAITRESS
Gents?
HOUSE
We have to get to the theatre.
SKYE
Forget it. Two more.
The waitress walks away.
HOUSE
They're expecting us.
SKYE
Stay out and drink with me. I thought you Englishmen could keep up.
HOUSE
No one can keep up with you, Jon.
SKYE
It's the mark of a great man. Being able to handle his booze. It killed Shakespeare, you know?
HOUSE
Come again?
SKYE
He died a drunk.
HOUSE
I guess you'll find that out when you dig him up.
SKYE
I'm serious. There's the old Stratford legend.
House smiles dubiously. He recites the story by rote.
HOUSE
He went drinking with Jonson and Drayton and died of a fever the next day.
SKYE
He was 52. . . I'm 52, Daniel.
HOUSE
Well, don't catch a fever tonight.
(gets up)
I've got to go.
SKYE
We got beers coming.
HOUSE
I'm sure you were going to have at least two more.
CUT TO:
INT. BED AND BREAKFAST ROOM - NIGHT
Skye stumbles inside. He rummages through a suitcase that hasn't been unpacked for a small bottle of vodka. He pops down in a chair with it. After a swig or two, he returns to his suitcase and finds a framed photograph of a small boy. He sits back down and stares at it.
CUT TO:
INT. BED AND BREAKFAST ROOM - DAY
Skye wakes up in the same chair.
SKYE
Fuck.
He rises and puts a coffee bag into a small coffee maker. He sits down at a bedside table and opens his laptop. He refreshes his website, and we see that he has 20,021 e-signatures. He smiles.
CUT TO:
INT. SHAKESPEARE BIRTHPLACE TRUST OFFICE - DAY
Daniel House is conferring with a female SECRETARY. Skye bursts in, wearing a blazer and tie. He smacks a document onto the desk.
SKYE
How do you like them apples?
Skye walks out. House picks up the document and glances at it. The Secretary peeks over his shoulder.
SECRETARY
Apples?
House follows Skye.
CUT TO:
INT. TRINITY CHURCH - DAY
We see yellow tape being extended across the altar by a stocky construction worker, JEFF. Another construction worker MARK hauls in a jackhammer. NUN #2 watches, looking worried. House follows Skye around helplessly. Skye hands wads of cash to the construction workers.
SKYE
Courtesy of NYU. There's more where that came from.
NUN #2
Sir, this is a place of worship.
Skye hands the nun some cash.
SKYE
For the collection plate.
HOUSE
Jon, you can't be serious. Who are these men?
SKYE
This is Jeff and-- Mark, is it?
MARK
How do you do?
Mark sets down the jackhammer and kneels at a pew.
SKYE
This is the first work they've had since you cancelled the museum.
HOUSE
I implore you to-
SKYE
If you don't mind. . .
Skye pushes House toward the door.
HOUSE
I'm here to stop you from looking like a fool!
SKYE
People who stand in the way of historical discovery are the fools.
HOUSE
Think this over.
SKYE
We've been thinking this over for four hundred years!
House looks stumped.
SKYE
Why are you so against me?
HOUSE
There's the doggerel, Jon. Read it. I suppose I didn't realize how superstitious I am until today.
SKYE
They're just words. It's all just words, goddamnit!
Mark looks up from a pew where he is saying a prayer.
MARK
Sir. If you don't mind.
HOUSE
You're a laughing stock, Jon.
Skye looks stung. Then he looks to Jeff and Mark.
SKYE
I'll see you bright and early.
He walks out.
CUT TO:
EXT. SHAKESPEARE'S BIRTH HOUSE - DAY
Skye approaches the large cottage.
CUT TO:
INT. SHAKESPEARE'S BIRTH HOUSE - DAY
Skye enters. A male TOUR GUIDE is leading a small group around the first floor.
TOUR GUIDE
The artifacts tell us that Shakespeare's father made gloves in this room.
LYDIA, a tall, attractive woman in her forties sees Skye and approaches him.
LYDIA
Jon!
SKYE
Linda.
LYDIA
Lydia. . . It's quite alright; it's been years, hasn't it?
SKYE
I wanted to have a look around.
LYDIA
We've been expecting you. Would you like someone to--
SKYE
Nope. I just want to be left alone.
LYDIA
Let me get you some gloves.
CUT TO:
INT. MARY AND JOHN SHAKESPEARE'S BEDROOM - DAY
Skye ascends some stairs and appears in the room. He wears latex gloves. He runs his hand along the wall and handles various artifacts in the room. He turns to a four-poster bed. He gets down on his hands and knees and looks under it. Then he stands. His face expresses a rare moment of contentment.
SKYE
I wonder if Mary Arden had any idea what she was giving birth to.
Skye turns to a small attic door. He looks down the stairwell to see if anyone is coming. Then he opens the attic door.
CUT TO:
INT. ATTIC - DAY
Skye appears and moves about the low ceiling space, pointing a miniature flashlight in every direction, before moving back to the stairs. He hits his head on a rafter.
SKYE
Motherf--!
He sits on the floor, rubbing his head. As he does, his flashlight catches something on the wood floor. He studies it for a moment, aiming the flashlight at it. He pulls out a piece of paper and a pencil, and he places the paper over the wood and begins to color it with the side of his pencil led. Soon he stops coloring as he sees the words that have appeared. He then refers back to the floor, where he now only sees smooth wood.
CUT TO:
INT. SHAKESPEARE BIRTH HOUSE - DAY
Skye descends the stairs to the first floor, folding up a piece of paper.
LYDIA
Make any wild new discoveries, Doctor?
Skye stares at her for a moment.
SKYE
Nothing, as usual.
Skye exits.
CUT TO:
INT. LIQUOR STORE - DAY
Skye purchases a bottle of vodka.
CUT TO:
INT. BED AND BREAKFAST ROOM - DAY
Skye enters his room and pours himself a drink.
CUT TO:
TRINITY CHURCH - EVENING
NUN #2 has placed bedding on the floor of the chancel for Mark and Jeff, who have finished setting up the mechanics for the exhumation.
NUN #2
We have more blankets across the way if you boys get cold.
MARK
Thank you, Sister.
NUN #2
"For I was a stranger, and you took me in."
NUN #2 exits.
JEFF
Funny. I was just planning on getting slaughtered.
MARK
What's that?
JEFF
Piss drunk. And then this American appears with a job.
MARK
You don't expect a job offer at the pub.
JEFF
I've grown up here all my life.
MARK
Me as well.
JEFF
You forget that you were born in the same town as the greatest writer that ever lived.
MARK
Never thought of that.
JEFF
You see the tourists. All the time. You read the same plays in school. But you forget.
MARK
Nobody's too impressed with their hometown, I reckon. I prefer football.
Jeff nods as though his agreement is a given.
JEFF
It's hard to believe he's right under our feet. Wouldn't be surprised if it was empty.
MARK
His coffin?
Mark looks interested for the first time.
JEFF
We'll be the first to see it in four centuries.
MARK becomes transfixed on the grave.
MARK
I'm gonna get a head start.
JEFF
What do you mean?
MARK
With the jackhammer. I'm gonna loosen the rock a bit.
JEFF
He said wait 'til morning.
MARK
It'll take longer in the morning if I don't loosen the rock.
Mark approaches the altar that covers Shakespeare. He turns on the jackhammer. We can see a 17th century coffin begin to vibrate under the floor.
CUT TO:
INT. BED AND BREAKFAST - NIGHT
Skye sits in his chair, staring at the photograph of the boy. He drinks vodka, pensively.
CUT TO:
INT. BED AND BREAKFAST HALLWAY - NIGHT
We see a medium-height, somewhat rotund man walking toward Skye's door. He has a mop of disheveled hair, but he is completely bald on top. He wears a cloak.
CUT TO:
INT. BED AND BREAKFAST ROOM - NIGHT
Skye sips vodka and hears a knock on the door. He approaches the door and opens it to reveal WILLIAM. William's accent is almost Appalachian, with hard "r"s.
WILLIAM
This is an inn, my lord?
SKYE
Say what?
TO BE CONTINUED...
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