Julian asks about Mum's Evening Out.

“Mum”

I knew it, five past eight and he’s started already, I don’t need too many questions this morning, heads a bit sore after the red wine last night with Carol from next door.

“Yes darling.”

“Did you and Aunty Carol have a good time last night?”

Ahh, that’s a nice thing to ask me.

“Yes darling, we just sat in her kitchen and talked for a while.”

Better not tell him about the red wine or he’ll start asking all sorts of questions.

“What did you talk about?”

“Oh, just silly things like shopping and stuff.”

“Shopping?”

Damn should have said something else, he’ll want to know everything about the shopping now.

“And other things.”

“What other things?”

God my head hurts and he’s not making it any better.

“Aunty Carol’s new washing machine.”

Good answer, he won’t want to know too much about that.

“Aunty Carol’s got a new washing machine?”

Damn!

“Yes darling, it was delivered yesterday and she really likes it.”

“What colour is it?”

“White.”

“Not a silver one like ours then?”

“No darling it’s a white one.”

God my head hurts.

“Was there anyone else with you?”

Thank god, he’s changed the subject at last.

“No darling, just me and Aunty Carol.”

That should be the end of it now, I’ll take a couple of paracetemols and hopefully that should make the headache go away. Perhaps while he’s at school I can have half hours sleep on the sofa.

“So it was just you and Aunty Carol playing the game then?”

What did he say?

“Sorry darling what was that?”

“It was just you and Aunty Carol playing the game?”

“What game?”

“The game! Did you dress up for it?”

“What?”

“Did you pretend to be in film or something?”

“No darling, we didn’t play any games, what would make you think that?”

“Just something Daddy said.”

I don’t like the sound of this.

“What did Daddy say, darling?”

“Well I heard him on the phone to Uncle Kevin.”

“Go on.”

“And he told Uncle Kevin that you were next door with Aunty Carol.”

“Yes, and?”

“He said that within an hour you would become three sheets to the wind and Aunty Carol would become blotto.”

I’ll kill that bastard! Need to think quickly.

“He must have been talking about the washing machine, Aunty Carol needed to get the stains out of her three sheets and then put them in the wind to dry, now eat your breakfast or you’ll be late for school.”

"But..."

"EAT YOUR BREAKFAST!"