cold calling

I’ve just sat down with a cup of tea
And the baby is finally asleep.
I hear the phone calling my name
If I answer it is always the same.

‘Mrs. Richards?’ They say. ‘No’ I explain
But they call me again and again and again!
So I’m playing chicken with the phone,
Pretending that there’s no one home.

But it could be important I say to myself
As the phone sits ringing upon its shelf.

I answer to silence and a click,
Irritated, I hang up quick!

So for the record let me say
Please leave me alone, please go away!
I’m tired of always being polite
When you disturb me day and night.

No I don’t have PPI.
Yes I’m sure my computer is fine!
I don’t want to change my gas supply,
We don’t have any here that’s why!’
And snuggled within my cavity walls
Nestle thousands of polystyrene balls.

So now you know please leave me alone
Because you see there’s no one at home.
You don’t even seem to know my name
So please don’t call me here again.
Please remove me from your list.
Please check your caller preferences.
Please don’t invade my privacy,
Please let me drink my cup of tea!