Things you should never see or do on the dancefloor

Things you should never see or do on a dance floor…

MC Hammer trousers, oops there it is, toilet tissue hanging from panties, a molehill of stilettos, snogging a best friend’s partner, a stranger’s testicles, day glow sweatbands, dirty dancing minus Patrick Swayze, Lambada, Lambrusco, Lambrini, Lambretta and an umbrella.
Handbags at dawn dusk or midnight, miniskirts above the thong and too tight, air guitar solos, smashed glass, Mr Macho open shirt chest wear, Fornication, fingering, frigging, frottage and foliage.
People undressing prematurely on podiums, Raining Men for the 6th time, Walking on Sunshine- woooahhh ohhh, impressions of Mick Jagger and Tony Christie, Groping, group congas, granddads in y-fronts, gyrating and Grease Lighting.
All these and more are dance floor delights, yet sometimes
I wish upon observing that I could eat my own eyes.