Waiting And Watching/ Night Air

By Latchico

Sun, 22 Mar 2009
  • 364 reads
1 comments
 

The wind blows off the river
And chilled me to the bone,
I wait in open doorway’s
Standing on my own.

The air I breathe is heavy
With the fire’s of the night
I wait for someone coming
A shadow in the night.

Car’s rush by me
Hurry on their way
Really going nowhere
Speeding just the same.

From the street they come
Screaming all the way
Drink fuels their rebellion
Makes them hard and grey.

Rolling and a tumbling
Never feel no pain
If they fall over
They just get up again.

The key to there existence
The reason for all this
Its another Friday night
And they are out on the piss

Certificate U
Poem
Miscellaneous

Comments

Submitted by Ewan on
An interesting view of the an evening out in a beautiful city. You have one or two errors, which detract from the effectiveness of your poem. You start in the past tense in line one with 'blew' and then switch to the present immediately. It might be better to change 'blew' to 'blows'. UK English usage has the verb 'breathe' - line 5- with an 'e'. If you are an American of course, this is not the case. 'of' in line 1 should be 'off' 'doorway' -line 3- is one word. The apostrophe is not generally used to show plurals: therefore it should be; 'doorways' line 3- 'fires' -line 6- and 'cars' -line 9- you have 'there' (a place) vice 'their' (belonging to them) in lines 8,11 and 17. It may seem that I have been very picky, but if you do hope for publication, editors are far, far worse. Good luck with your writing! Ewan

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