Innocence

By Lollipop Girl

Sun, 29 Aug 2010
  • 660 reads
4 comments
 

The innocence of youth
Defined by a look
A nervous glance
A trying too hard not to leave it to chance
A beauty that pervades
The layers of make up
And the clothes too old for your years
Sending signals of promises
Of promiscuity
Of sex -
An act you believe you understand
But it is just that - an act
Perfunctory
A means to an end
To your end
The end of your innocence.

Certificate 12
Miscellaneous

Comments

Submitted by jennifer on
Some quite powerful sentiment, but I really think you'd be better off using punctuation rather than line breaks to indicate pauses, and re-consider the 'old-fashioned' style use of capital letters to start every line - both play havoc with the flow of your writing, J x

 

Submitted by Lollipop Girl on
Thanks Jennifer! I am somewhat old school in my writing style. Still fumbling around with the writing at the moment and banging some of my old poems on here just to test the water. Punctuation makes me nervous but I definitely need to move forward from the way I was 'taught' to write poetry at school in the eighties. Thank you x

Submitted by jennifer on
I know the feeling! Try reading it out loud and punctuating as you would prose - what is correct for prose is also correct for poetry, and that includes capital letters - there's no trick to it, really! J x

 

Submitted by Highhat on
I really liked the theme of this poem and thought that you expressed it well. Hope you write some more when you find the water is tepid and quiet ;) pia