If Jesus Were Born Today

Mary worked in an office. She decided to tell her best friend Julie one of her deepest secrets.
"Julie," she said, "I'm pregnant."
"Pregnant? Mary, Joe's in the army, he's been away for months. How did it happen?"
"It's a miracle."
"For goodness sake Mary, have an abortion."
"I don't believe in abortion, it's wrong. I want to have my baby."
"Listen Mary, Joe and you love eachother. You've been going out for seven years. He wants to marry you. If he finds out your pregnant to another man."
"It didn't happen like that."
"It's not worth destroying a long, loving relationship for the sake of a one night stand, is it? Think it over." Mary went to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. Standing in between the microwave oven and the cupboard where she kept her small jar of coffee there was a man. He turned around and Mary noticed his eyes were particularly bright, almost glowing.
"Mary, do not be afraid to have this baby. What has happened to you is by the power of the Holy Spirit. Your son will be called Jesus. He will be the child of the Most High. He will have the power to do mighty miracles and heal people. He will save the people from their sins." The man disappeared into thin air.

Joe came home on leave. He came to Mary's house and knocked on the door. Mary opened the door.
"Have you fallen in love with another man? Are you carrying his baby?"
"No."
"Was it a one night stand? Was it a mistake?"
"No."
"Why don't you just tell me? All these lies Mary, all this deceit. Now your friends tell me that you've seen an angel. Angels don't appear in the office kitchen in between the microwave oven and the Nescafe. Until you can bring yourself to actually explain what happened, it's over between us." He slammed the door. Joe went for a long walk. He was deeply troubled. In the park there was a man standing near the boating lake. As he turned around, Joe could see his bright, almost glowing eyes.
"Joe, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife. What has happened to her is by the power of the Holy Spirit. Your son will be called Jesus. He will perform great miracles." The man disappeared into thin air.
"It's true, it's true!" shouted Joe, to the astonished looks he received from an old lady and a young mother who were sitting with some children in the park. "Yes God, I'm sorry. I will make Mary my wife."

Joe and Mary sat in the council housing office. A middle aged man in a suit sat behind the desk.
"My girlfriend is pregnant. Could you give us a council house?"
"We haven't got a council house you could move into straight away. I can put you on the waiting list."
"How long would the waiting list be?"
"About six months."
"That's too long, the little chap'll be born by then."
"You'll need a three bedroom family house. We don't have many of those. We'll give you one as soon as one becomes available. Could you afford to rent a house privately?"
"Have you any idea what property prices are like around here?"
"Yes, but you can rent a two bedroom flat for £90 a week. That might be enough for your immediate needs."
"I've left the army. I'm looking for another job, but it's going to be a long time before I get one."
"I work part-time in an office," said Mary, "but I'm going to have to give it up."
"Well, I'm sorry but there's nothing else I can do."

Joe and Mary bought a caravan and moved onto a caravan site in Blyth, about 20 miles away. A few weeks later Mary had the baby. They returned from the hospital and put him in his cot. Late that night, Sharon was driving her two friends, Becky and Hazel, home from work in the call centre a few miles away when they saw a light in the sky.
"What's that?" asked Becky. "Is it a star?"
"It's not a star," said Hazel, "as the car moves along, a star would move with it. That thing's hovering quite close to the ground."
"Is it a spaceship?" asked Becky. Sharon drove towards where she could see the light. She could see that it was hovering over the caravan.
"It's the Christ child," she said.
"It's what?" asked Hazel.
"I have a Bible," said Sharon.
"You haven't got a Bible," said Becky.
"I have. I bought one at a second hand book shop. God promises that he will send the Christ child, to save people from their sins. I have prayed for this day for so long. It has been revealed to me that I will see the Christ child."
"Just a minute," said Hazel. "God is the Lord of life and death and the maker of the universe. You are a woman who works in a call centre. Why would God reveal anything to you?" They got out of the car. Sharon knocked on the caravan door. Mary opened it.
"Where is the one who is born King of all the world?" Sharon asked.
"What?" asked Becky.
"Sharon, if he was a king, he would born in a palace, not a caravan," said Hazel.
"He is going to be a king," said Mary, and led the women inside. Sharon picked up the child in her arms. She laughed with joy.
"I have a Bible. I read the prophets. I have prayed for this day for so long."
"Have you?" asked Mary.
"That's amazing," said Joe.
"This child will be king of kings and Lord of Lords. He will save the people from their sins. And a sword also will pierce your heart."
"What does that mean?" asked Joe. Sharon began crying.
"What's wrong?" asked Mary.
"I am crying because I can see the way that the Christ child is going to die." Sharon put the baby down and led the other girls back to the car.
"I wouldn't have told them that," said Hazel. "I wouldn't have told them that their child was going to die."

When Jesus was 12 he was having tea at his grandmother's house. The tea was all set out on the table. Grandmother was still standing up.
"I feel so tired. I've worked so hard all day making the sandwiches, cooking the pie. Ooh, I feel a little bit funny." She walked towards her chair, pulled it out from the table, then fell onto the floor. "I can't get up. I can't move."
"I'll call an ambulance," said Grandad.
"No," said Jesus.
"What do you mean, no?" asked Grandad.
"Let me heal her."
"Heal her?" Jesus put his hands on his grandmother.
"Go on, let him heal me," said Grandmother. "I can feel the heat coming out of your hands. The pain in my chest is easing, the tightness there is going. Yes, I think I can get up." She lifted herself onto her chair. "Thank you Jesus, you've healed your dear old Grandma of a heart attack."

Joe sat in front of the computer in the council house where the family now lived.
"I'm producing a leaflet on the computer. We'll invite people round to the community centre. 'Come to our Miracle Night.' The blind will see. The deaf will hear. The people in wheelchairs will get out and walk.' We'll leaflet the whole estate." Joe and his father worked in the evenings, putting leaflets through people's letterboxes and inviting them to the meeting on the Saturday night at the community centre. When they arrived at the community centre they got a rather angry reception. A large group of people were there, some walking with crutches, some walking without crutches, some in wheelchairs, carrying banners. A woman shouted through a loud haler,
"We are Blyth Disability Action Network. We are here to oppose this meeting. Oh look, here he is, the man himself. Joseph Jackson whose twelve year old son can heal people."
"Why does this upset you?" asked Joe.
"Do you really believe that your twelve year old son can heal people?" said the woman, putting down her loud haler.
"Yes. He healed his grandmother of a heart attack."
"We are Blyth Disability Action Network. We are concerned that people will be drawn here under false pretences. The weak, the sick, the vulnerable, will come here expecting to see some sort of miracle and will be so disappointed that they weren't healed." Jesus laid his hands on the woman's wrists. "Yes, yes, I can feel it. Deep heat going through my wrists. The movement's coming back again. Hallelujah!" The people in the crowd began to talk excitedly.
"Maybe there's something in this," said a man on crutches. "Jesus, could you heal me too?" Jesus placed his hand on the man's shoulder. "Ooh, I can feel my legs strengthening again."
"Can you heal me, too?" asked a woman in a wheelchair. Jesus laid hands on her knees. "Ooh, that feels better." She leaped up out of her wheelchair. Joe unlocked the doors of the community centre. Jesus and all the other people followed him inside. For several hours Jesus kept healing knee caps, knuckles, backs, legs, and people kept coming into the community centre for miles around.

The healing meeting was all over the local newspaper. The children at school made fun of Jesus.
"Turn this water into wine," said one of them at the dinner table. "I hate having water with my dinner. My mother gives me wine. Tell this jug of water to become a jug of wine."
"You don't believe I can," said Jesus.
"Well, go on, prove it. Prove you can do miracles. Turn the water into wine. Then we'll believe you."
"You just want to make fun of me."
"No, we don't. We really believe," said another one of the boys, and then they all laughed. "Go on, turn the water into wine."
"No."
"Why not?"
"I don't do magic tricks. Nobody here needs a miracle."
"I need a miracle, I need a miracle," sang one of the boys.

After a few years the family began to hold their meetings in Newcastle City Hall. Jesus stood on the stage in front of the microphone.
"Some of you were disappointed that I didn't lay hands on you last time. Well, let me tell you that all you have to do is believe and it's yours. All you have to do is believe tonight, and the miracle is yours. I don't even have to be there. Do you believe I can heal you? Then I can. God is willing to do all these things. I can do only what I see my father doing, and I tell you, my father wants me to heal tonight. The will of God is whatever the father wants me to do. Whatever pleases him, that's the will of God. And I can tell you, it is God's will to heal lots and lots of people tonight, and it is God's will to heal every one of you." Jesus came down into the crowd. He saw a man in a wheelchair and laid hands on his shoulders. "Get up and walk," he said. The man jumped up out of his wheelchair. Another man explained,
"My wife is deaf. She has been deaf from childhood and can hardly talk."
"I know, I know," said Jesus. He put his fingers in her ears. "Deaf ears, be unstopped." The woman shrieked. Something happened.
"I can hear my voice," she struggled to say, the words sounding a little bit strange and very slow.
"Thank you, Jesus," said the man. Jesus began to preach. "The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to bring good news to the poor, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favour. The hungry will be fed. The poor will be rich. The humble will be lifted high. This is upside down living. This is the wrong way round kind of life. Those who are disadvantaged in this world are often the strongest in spiritual things. Those who have lots of money and a good education are often the least in the kingdom of Heaven. Live your life for kingdom values. You can't create Heaven on Earth, but maybe you can create it for at least one person. Maybe you can try to. Maybe you can start. And that's worth more than investing your money in an ISA or putting it in an internet bank account. Give your money to the poor. Give it to a charity that does something you really believe in. Invest your money in the Bank of Heaven. Then you'll have treasure in Heaven. Now the Bank of Heaven, that's going to be there in eternity, a long time after all those internet money spinnners have gone. What is the internet? It's a bunch of copper wires. In forty years time your computers will be thrown away, they'll be old junk. In a thousand years time what'll be left of your house or your car? But the money you give to God, that'll give you spiritual treasure that'll last forever." Some people stood on their feet and started clapping. "No, no, don't clap. I don't think clapping is appropriate. Go to your room and pray. Go to your room and get out your credit card and start giving some money to charity, where no one else can see you. Don't let anyone know what you're doing or even how much you're giving. Let your giving be in secret, and then you're heavenly father, who sees what's done in secret will reward you."

A man came up to Jesus after the meeting. He was American and was wearing a really attractive suit.
"Hi Jesus," he said. "I'm Larry."
"Pleased to meet you, Larry. Have you come all the way here from the States?"
"Yes, that's right. Jesus, that was a fantastic sermon. Especially from someone so young. You're not even out of High School. You know what I think we should do? We should use technology to broadcast your message to the whole world. I'm an agent. I work for record companies and for TV people. Together we could do a lot of good. There's a satellite channel I work for. They're Jewish, but I really think they'll be interested in this. It's called the Joshua Channel."
"Certainly," said Jesus, "bring the cameras in here, set them up. Film me. The more the message gets out, the more people we can help." Jesus became the presenter of a weekly television programme.

One day Jesus stood on the stage and said, "I think there are an awful lot of gay people here tonight." Some gay people in the audience cheered. "You're all very welcome in the house of God. I want to heal you of some of the things that have happened in your childhood. Somebody here, the other children told him that he looked like a girl and he always believed that he looked like a girl. Even at the age of 25, he still believes that he looks like a girl. But he has never looked like a girl, that is a lie. Somebody here, you're not really gay, you're just frightened of women. I am going to heal you of your fear of women tonight." A man came up on the stage. He wore a long raincoat that looked like a woman's and had long hair and a purple scarf. Jesus laid hands on him. Several other people came up for prayer, but some of the gay people in the hall began to shout noisily.

The next day Larry called Jesus on the telephone.
"You can not do that. You can not heal people of homosexuality. Are you aware of what the law says in this country?"
"Yes, the use of threatening, abusive and insulting language. I was careful not to say anything like that."
"You're walking on egg shells. Listen Jesus, television producers and newspapers get sued, they get sued all the time. The leader of a gay rights organisation in London is very, very angry. So are hundreds of his members. They haven't stopped emailing me all day. Here's another thing. Some of your fans are filming your meeting on their mobile phones and putting it on Youtube. The Joshua Channel has exclusive rights to your show. That information doesn't belong to you, it belongs to me. And who's been putting your sermons on ABC tales? I published your sermons in paperback. Do you know how much it costs to publish a book? Your family would have to sell their house to publish a book. But guess what? If I sell millions of copies of your book, I can make money. Not just a little money, lots and lots of money. Millions of pounds."
"You cannot serve both God and money."
"What did you say? What did you say?"
"A servant cannot serve two masters. He will be devoted to one and despise the other. That is why I said you cannot serve both God and money."
"I'm going to put this phone down before I start using threatening, insulting and abusive language."

Jesus found himself standing in court. The leader of the gay rights group spoke.
"I am concerned that Jesus has an archaic, victorian attitude to homosexuality. These attitudes will lead us back to the days when homosexuals were admitted to mental hospitals for treatment. Religion will turn people into homophobic monsters. It will encourage believers to attack homosexuals in the street." Larry spoke.
"This preacher has stolen copyrighted materials from us. He has allowed his fans to film him on their mobile phones and broadcast material on the internet to which we had been promised exclusive rights. He has also allowed copyrighted material from his paperback books to be shown on websites. He has libelled us by saying that religious broadcasters are hypocrites and that they love money." The judge made his decision.
"Mr. Jackson, this court finds you guilty of incitement of hatred against homosexuals, breach of copyright and libel of the producers of your television programmes and books. As an award of millions of pounds in damages would be beyond your means, I order the forfeit and seizure of all attributes of the Jesus Jackson Very Good News Company, and the closure of all its bank accounts."

Jesus held a meeting in the streets of Newcastle.
"We can't meet in the City Hall, firstly, because we don't have any money, secondly, because the council don't like me healing gay people. So we're meeting here, next to Haymarket Metro station. Some of you can film me on your mobile phones. Has anyone got an account with Youtube?" Several hands went up. "Put me on Youtube. Or any other websites that some of you might have access to. Please, as much as you possibly can, spread the word. And also, advertise our meetings. Newcastle is going to be a place where people come for healing." A woman walked up to Jesus.
"I've come here from America," she said. "I have cancer, but I can't afford any treatment."
"I have never seen such faith," said Jesus. "You have come all this way because you believe I can heal you. Go daughter, your faith has made you well." A homeless man selling the Big Issue came up to Jesus.
"Master, can you heal my bronchitis? My doctor says if I don't stop sleeping on the streets it'll kill me."
"Yes, I can. And I will." Jesus laid his hand on the man's chest. "Be healed, right now. And I'll ask all the people reading and watching this on the internet, what could you do to help this man, and millions of others like him? If you open up your home, perhaps he will steal something from you. If you don't, perhaps he'll die. A difficult choice. Pray about it. Ask God to guide you. Should you let him into your house or not? Is he a thief or a poor man in need? You are rich Christians living in an age of hunger. What will you do about the poor in Africa? What will you do about the poor in your own community?"

Larry sat with two men in suits in his private office.
"We used to work for the KGB," one of them said. "Now we work for anybody."
"I want him dead. Suing him hasn't worked. He still makes programmes on people's mobile phones and publishes them on the internet. He publishes more and more sermons on websites, saying more and more libellous and insulting things about people. Finish him off for me."
"We could poison him with a radioactive element slipped in his food. It would take a few days to kill him. By that time, we'd be on a plane back to Russia," said one of the agents.
"You would need to get the dosage right," said Larry.
The other agent laughed. "I'd need to be a genius to get the dosage right with something like that. The things were made in South Africa. They look like a tranquilliser capsule. You just pull them apart and the powder falls into the food. A child could use one."

One of the men approached Jesus in the street next to Haymarket Metro.
"Jesus, I have lived a terrible life. I have been unfaithful to my wife, in thought and eventually in deed, just like you taught in your sermons. I have loved money, I have lived for myself. Now, I'd really like to repent. I'd really like to get myself right with God. Will you come and have dinner with me? Then we could discuss these things properly."

A few days later Larry was driving along the motorway listening to the news on his car radio.
"The preacher Jesus Jackson has been admitted to the General Hospital in Newcastle tonight. He believes that he has been poisoned. Doctors confirmed that Mr. Jackson was suffering from radiation sickness. He is extremely ill and is not expected to last the night." Larry laughed to himself.
"Hallelujah!" he said. "Now we can get on with the important business of making money out of religion."

A charge nurse arrived at the Intensive Therapy Unit the next day, to begin the early shift. There was a bed with a life support machine set up but the drip feeds and oxygen tubes were just lying on the bed and weren't connected to anything. The charge nurse picked up the file that hung on the rail at the bottom of the bed.
"Where's Mr. Jackson gone? People who are on life support and dying can't just vanish into thin air!" Some of Jesus' followers were at Haymarket Metro. One of them was eating a Kentucky Fried Chicken. Jesus appeared to them, but they did not realise it was Jesus.
"Why are you so sad?"
"Have you not heard the news today? There was a preacher called Jesus, who worked many miracles, but they poisoned him. He was taken away to hospital and he died during the night."
"I who speak to you am he." One of them screamed and said,
"It's a ghost!"
"A ghost does not have flesh and bones, as you see I have." He ate a piece of Kentucky Fried Chicken.