Breakfast With Big Aggie

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRhuciniBN8

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By Paul McCann

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I looked up this old friend one day ,
my God I could have died ,
she had this big hairy chin
and she was nearly four foot wide
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When she put her arms around me ,
she took my breath away ,
what a sight for sore eyes
she said had come around today .

Come in she said and let me
have a closer look at you ,
standing there I smiled at her
and hoped she smile back at me too ,
she stuck her finger up her nose
then whistled a wee tune ,
then she put her false teeth in
and chased me all around the room .

When she finally caught me
she looked me in the eye ,
she asked me if I fancied her and if I’d like a fry .

Breakfast with big Aggie
from across the Albert Bridge ,
she takes tips for cooking ,
just put them in the fridge .

I’ll cook you up some grub
she said then she sat me in a chair
then she pulled the rollers from her thin black curly hair ,
then put a knife and fork beside me
and a dirty cup ,
she scraped the blue mould from the bread
and the tea was coming up .

It poured out just like glue
and had a taste of castor oil
there were cornflakes in the frying pan

and the bacon was on the boil .

Breakfast with big Aggie
from across the Albert Bridge ,
she takes tips for cooking ,
just put them in the fridge .