Now We Are Parents

Cherry

By Mr. Moon

Sat, 22 Jan 2011
  • 3165 reads
13 comments
 

Our faces are changing, my love. Your face and mine.

We're growing old, not in years so much, but together.

The light is lowering in our eyes like a dying sun.

 

We gaze confused but not at each other,

For we dare not see that darkness.

 

Silent sighs, lips tight.

Small pecking kisses as we avert our eyes from murky regrets.

 

The clock ticks, ticks, ticks

Towards another night.

 

When it comes, we lie sleep-deprived in our separate beds.

Our lonely hearts slowly thud in the dark.

 

Morning seeps into the darkness

We rise to meet on a sick-stained duvet

To greet our new son.  

 

There we are three together,

Two, less alone.

 

Our hearts swell with fresh blood and morning-dew hope.

Perhaps today, perhaps today...

 

But then our boy gazes up with unsullied joy.

His day is just beginning.

 

As a smile lights his ripe cherry face, I am crushed with guilt and sadness.

If only he could have known us then in our fledgling young love.

 

Weren’t we something,

Then?

 

I hold our son's eyes with my own and blink away the shadows.  

His warm caterpillar body wriggles towards my large full breast;

 

I draw him close with my hands

Raw from holding on.  

  

 

 

Certificate U
Poem
Words that can't be spoken out here
Love
Autobiography

Comments

Submitted by Geertje Jong on
You bring back long lost memories Mr Moon. Moving and true. Geertje

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on
beautifully done

 

Submitted by Cavalcader on
new Mr Moon Well deserved cherry! And wonderful to read thankyou x cavalcaderl so well explained to life. julie x

Submitted by Mr. Moon on
thank you for the comments :)

 

Submitted by fatboy74 on
This took a few reads, but it is beautifully told from a pretty original perspective. I am still on the camp-bed which has moulded my spine in ways I don't like to think about - sleep deprivation is just insanity. Great poem.

 

Submitted by Mr. Moon on
it is indeed fatboy74, i'm in a endless daze at the moment. thanks so much for taking the time to read. i wondered if u might tell me why it took it a few reads. i'm trying to improve my form etc but not really sure where to start and very open to friendly criticism. not to worry if u don't have time :)

 

Submitted by seashore on
You've been reading mine so now I'm readig yours and can genuinely say this is a lovely piece, Mr Moon.

Submitted by Mr. Moon on
that really means a lot seashore. thank you.

 

Submitted by fatboy74 on
Hi Mr Moon, I try to read as many poems as I can on here, but I will often leave some to later if i'm not keen on the teaser - please don't take offence - but it was the name Ian that put me off, I have nothing against the name (some of my closest friends have been called Ian) it's just that it didn't seem to fit, even when I read it for the first time and, reading it again now the name could be missed off and the poem is exactly the same, because Ian I'm sure knows what the poem is about and his name doesn't need to be there (for me anyway). I also did not immediately get the subject matter and I think I decided when it was given a cherry (because the editors are more often than not very good at pointing out notewrothy writing) to give it another go and then 'got it'. I don't think there is anything wrong with a poem being not immediately obvious in terms of what the meaning is - seashore has told me on a number of occasions that mine require more than one read, I suppose that the danger is that not everybody will give it the benefit of the doubt and read it more than once. Although having read it again I can't see why it took me so long - probably reading it too quickly and still thinking about the Ian thing. :-) ATB FB

 

Submitted by Mr. Moon on
thanks fatboy74 - I really appreciate the comments - i agree about the ian thing. i wrote it quickly straight from my thoughts, if you know what I mean and re-reading it now I agree that it should come out. hopefully the title gives it some meaning too. I'll keep at it! thanks!! and many thanks to sundayschld too - thankyou for taking the time to read :)

 

Submitted by fatboy74 on
Forgot to say I love the title which is a lovely and clever take on Now We are Six/sixty - somewhere in between I think! :-)

 

Submitted by ashb on

Hi, I guess you took out 'Ian' which probbaly was a good move to make it more universal.

The whole way through until the end I thought itwas the dad's perspective. Wonder if this makes sense as the dad might have more time to collect thoughts than the mother, and more cause to lament loss of the exclusive relationship. But either way, nicely done.  

For me the crux, the real strength of this, is in that second last stanza.

You asked for suggestions and the only one I can offer is to test it out, see if it is possible to reduce or condense some of the earlier verses to get to this quicker. 

ashb

Submitted by Mr. Moon on

thanks for taking the time to comment ashb - really useful and appreciated!