You, captured twice or Four reasons why I don't know

1.

Looking straight ahead
an arm lifted
behind your back
in awkward grace
as you turn your body away
in an attempt
to show me
your shoulder blade

I stand to your left
dressed in black -
my arm around someone else
I'm looking at you
my neck turned
taut

Why you twisted yourself
into contortions
at that exact moment
I don't remember

I, fascinated
by the way
your hand, curved at the wrist
pulled upwards
pointing,
to the one place I
wanted to kiss
after I slipped myself
into your contortions,

2.

I could have reached out
the way you did
in the second photograph taken -
your hand slipping tightly around my waist

(Four months later Karim looked at
these, the only two photographs I have of you
asking, "Who is that - with his arm around you?"
and I wanted to tell him how warm the skin of your palm felt
how your fingers pressed into me
how I wanted to turn
press myself against you
in front of all those people
and not care.
But that is something
I know
he did not want to hear,
something I could not do.
I said, "He's a friend"
and took the photograph
out of his hand.)

3.

Looking at a picture
that reminds me of what I did not do
smiling at you
Cairo to Geneva
and you can't see
I sent you a letter
told you this and that
not what I wanted to say
because it wouldn't matter anymore

You wrote back yesterday
to tell me you were proud of me
signed
"Love and hugs in a big silk bow"

And each word you wrote
made me sorry I didn't
contort myself
back into you

4.

You've moved on
from the moment you told me four years ago
how you used those 'techniques'
to get over someone
("Think of all the things you hated about that person,
their big nose, bad hair, bad jokes you always had to laugh at.
Get drunk.
Wallow in self-pity.")
And that someone was once me
("Her parents are way too strict.
She's older than me.
She can't be all that smart cause she went out with Maz.")

Only
I can't think of bad things
in you

Thinking only
of not looking at the camera
when I could be looking at you.