Happy b'day Bro

I like this little poem, I think it's fresh, unpretentious and honest. The near rhyme in my opinion is a little bit forced and contrived, I would prefer a looser approach to complement the sentiment at play and in doing so the piece would gain a little element of seriousness as-well. The other thing that I would urge you to look again at is the abbreviation and emoticons, for me these would be better altered. Please remember that this is only my subjective opinion. Welcome to ABCtales petal.

Hi Petal, love the user-name, I am often called that :) I loved this poem to because it is like scratch said honest and fresh. And for me fun, like it was meant to be, correct me if wrong. So I think it works great how you wrote it, like I always say, every writer knows how they intended their piece of work to be whether correct grammar e.t.c or not.Not saying your grammar is bad. But when someone asks for views like yourself, its always good to have advice from a brilliant writer like Scratch. I would admit at first I thought it was going to be a twist but still great like it is and only down fall it was not longer :))))) You have a great talent :) Keep Writing Keep smiling :)