If I were truly alive

If I were truly alive,
then these good dreams of bad things
wouldn't jolt me awake
through the night
Or worse still - aware that i dream
escape is derived from this struggle.

If I were a real human being
of flesh and bone and bloody ventricles
then these invisible knives
wouldn't cut me up inside
causing the agony
hidden from the world.

If I had a real soul
slippery, buried deep
then these monsters of sensation
wouldn't scream out my fear
in the dampness of sweat
or whisper little lies
to me by day.