Broken

Cherry

By PoppyS

Thu, 26 Oct 2017
  • 2959 reads
8 comments
 

Move him into the sun -
for that one, last time
 he should never discern, the cold.

 There he now lies -
 red flowing underfoot, our plans incomplete.

 Please keep the
observers at bay
for wounded he is, beyond make mend
bound in his cavernous unending sleep.

So many, remembered considerations
buried out there - amid the fallen

broken, bodies of battle.

Certificate U
Poem
Miscellaneous

Comments

Submitted by celticman on

the sun brings its own medicine and this seems ancient and modern. The phrase, 'for wounded, beyond make mend' is slightly clumsy. I know what you mean, but simpler with 'beyond mend'. 

 

Submitted by PoppyS on

Thank you, and I know what you mean about clunky, I will let it stand for the moment as I want the change to echo those same sentiments,

Much appreciated.

Pops ~xx~

Writing is art in pictures – Go paint poetry!

Submitted by Ewan on

what Jack means.

"beyond make-do-and-mend"

or even

"beyond make-do-and-mending"

I like this.

Best

Ewan

 

Author Page at the 'Zon
 

Submitted by PoppyS on

Thank you Ewan, points have been read and taken on board, the cherries were delicioussmiley

Pops ~xx~

Writing is art in pictures – Go paint poetry!

Submitted by Ed Crane on

 

 

Submitted by PoppyS on

Thank you ED!!

Pops ~xx~

Writing is art in pictures – Go paint poetry!

Submitted by shoe on

A complex poem this, I have new thoughts each time I read it, well deserved cherries!

 

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

A touch of Owen's 'Futility' here, I like your take on it.