The tale of the Satanic Croissant!

It was early one morning when Mrs Parsons placed her croissants in the oven. Her little coffee shop would be opening up soon, so all the preparations had to be made. The coffee was dripping through the peculator omitting the loveliest of aromas that mingled well with the redolence of the bread and cakes that were cooking away in the oven. She had placed six croissants into the oven that morning.
Unbeknown to Mrs Parsons the number six would become very important to one of her croissants inside the oven. For it was none other than the satanic croissant! And the number six was very important to the satanic croissant, what with six being the number of the beast and all that mumbo jumbo. Of course it was not mumbo jumbo to the satanic croissant, but we weren’t going to tell him that. What with his evil plan of world domination and sinister bad deeds or whatever it was that satanic croissants were supposed to do these days. Quite what that was no one was really sure. Anyway I digress! The satanic croissant knew right from the outset that he was different to all of the other croissants. He had known that he was destined for greatness as soon as Mrs Parsons had taken him and his five evil disciples from the box in the freezer because he was the one that was marked! There was no pattern of three sixes anywhere on him like The Omen but a sinister tail raised dominantly high, resembling that of a Scorpion, a sinister Scorpions tail! Well it was not really a sinister Scorpion’s tail at all but we were not going to tell this to the satanic croissant for fear of reprisal! It was simply that the pastry at the back of the satanic croissant had protruded up and made him look different to the other croissants that was all. But try telling him that!
Mrs Parson’s oven beeped away, so she stopped counting her money, put it to one side and then began to take out the contents of the oven. She removed the bread first, then the cakes and then at last it was the turn of the six croissants. The satanic croissant then made a spectacular exodus from the fiery flames of hell! Well he was actually taken out of the oven by a sweet little old lady wearing oven gloves with flowers on them, but “bursting from the fiery flames of hell” sounds more theatrical and more in line with the satanic croissants rise to power!
So now he was free, free at last to do his evil deeds, to bring down the end of the world along with the five croissants of the apocalypse! His time had finally come. No one, especially dear old Mrs Parsons was expecting the Antichrist to take over the world in the guise of a croissant. So there he sat on one of the 1950 style cake stands looking all majestic with his sinister scorpion tail poised and all ready to spit fire and brimstone at the world!

He waited and he waited, after all this coffee shop was never that busy, just a handful of faithful regulars, none of who expected the end of the world to flare up in dear old Mrs Parson’s coffee shop. “Oh what a surprise these fools will all be in for” he thought to himself as he sat there admiring his sinister scorpion’s tail waiting for the right moment when he would unleash the six thousand cakes of hell, let the volcanoes spew forth strawberry milkshake, turn the seas to coffee and release the armies of giant tea bags! Then all of a sudden without warning the top of the cake stand was removed and Mrs Moggins (who was one of Mrs Parson’s most loyal and regular customers) took a pair of gleaming tongs and scooped up the satanic croissant and placed him on a plate with a pot of jam and a sachet of margarine, poured herself a pot of tea and went over to her favourite seat under the window where she liked to sit and watch the world go around. “This is my moment” thought the satanic croissant. “My supreme moment of triumph, my revenge has spread through the cake boxes and has just begun! At last I am free, free from the confines of that ghastly cake stand, I shall summon up the five croissants of the apocalypse and destroy the world starting with these bird brained fools!” He said to himself. Then all of a sudden before he even had the chance to do what ever it was that evil and satanic croissants do he was ripped in half and had his insides spread with margarine and jam and the last thing that he saw was Mrs Moggins family heirloom crucifix around her neck as he made his final journey into Mrs Moggins mouth and down her oesophagus washed down with a lovely cup of tea! She suddenly felt very queer indeed!

“Oh are you all right dear?” Mrs Parsons asked in a concerned manner as she had noticed that Mrs Moggins was looking very pale and ashen all of a sudden. “Oooh no dear that croissant with the spiky tail has given me really bad indigestion! I think it was off you know dear!” Mrs Parsons was very concerned that her friend had taken a turn from one of her croissants and said “Just have another nice cup of tea dear and you’ll feel much better!”

And that was the end of the satanic croissant, which would never bother mankind ever again!