Greek Mail Order Bride

I have a mail order bride and she is Greek.
There's only one English word she can speak.
The one English word that she speaks is irritating, the word in 'No'.
It was a big mistake when I started to write to her one year ago.
Every time that I want some loving, she gives me a hard slap.
I paid $3,000 to get her to the USA, I sure don't need this crap.
I was so stupid that I had her flown here First Class.
If I had known how it would be, Coach is where she would've parked her ass.
Life has been so frustrating and I've taken many cold showers since the day we got married.
She weighs 400 pounds so when we crossed the threshold, I was the one who got carried.
I've hired a Greek Translator and there's something she's going to know about.
If she doesn't start acting like a wife, I'm going to kick her large butt out.

(This is a fictional poem)