Violet’s Big Red Bus

 

 

Violet was a lovely girl

Who drove a London bus

From Hampton Wick to Waterloo

She stopped and started from hop to hop

And never departed until she was able

To comply exactly with the table on the board by the stop

Unlike other drivers from her stable

Who, like mischievous elves

Took great delight in suiting themselves

 

Violet never failed to smile

While checking passes or thwarting the guile

Of those amongst us who went out of their way

To cheat the system by refusing to pay

 

Up and down the bus lanes she sped

Avoiding the cyclists and moped riders

Who weaved through the traffic like drunken spiders

Whilst hurling abuse with words of dread

 

Nothing seemed to upset Vi

When all around were quite upset

Violet smiled and refused to let it affect her

She was often voted the smiliest driver

By grateful passengers, who, like survivors of the Titanic

Loved the way she never panicked

 

She trundled along in cheery mode

Delighting her fans at Waterloo Station and Wandsworth Road

By earning praise or the commendation

Of those from whom approbation flowed

 

If the driver wasn't Vi

The waiting throng would wave it by

Stepping back from painted kerb

Happy to wait until they heard the rumours

That Vi would soon be along

Smiling broadly while packing them in

'Standing room only' she'd shout with a grin

 

And off they'd go, a joyful crew

From Hackney Wick to Waterloo

And always on time, never late

Allowing folk to appreciate

Just how well she could navigate

The pitfalls, the cheeky taxis and aggressive bikes

The HGVs and traffic lights

Nothing bothered Vi in her big red bus

Each eight hour shift devoid of fuss

Or tardiness or confrontation

And without hesitation they all confessed

That Vi was the best they'd seen by a yard

The undisputed queen of the Oyster Card

 

And then one day she rang in sick

And Violet's bus was given to Rick

And Rick threw a strop and was totally unable

To abide by the times on the table on the board by the stop

Because he was one of the elves

The ones who delighted in suiting themselves

 

Vi's regulars waited for their eight thirty two

But it didn't turn up and they knew immediately

That something was wrong

That Vi was long long overdue

 

Anxieties grew as time ticked by

As regulars waited for Vi to whisk them

Through the morning madness

Dropping them safely without risk

Or sadness over some brisk encounter

 

But then, at last, Rick turned up

With scowly glare and sour hue

Stoney faced as the queue tapped on

And he sped off like Damon Hill

Frantically avoiding the dentist's drill

 

Vi's regulars were thrown around

Gripping their seats to avoid compound fractures

Or even worse, the cursing they heard

Being hurled from the cab at those striving

To avoid Rick's driving

 

Violet's regulars staggered away

Off to their workplaces in disarray

Shaken senseless like rag dolls

Bruised and battered like gangsters' molls

 

Knowing now that Vi was sick

They would be quick to avoid Rick tomorrow

And every other day for that matter

They would be as mad as the hatter

To go through that again

To wait unduly for the unruly Rick

So tomorrow they would play it hard

And tap the Oyster Card elsewhere

Confound sour Rick by being found

On the underground where they could nap if they wished

And arrive at their work whole and unsquished

 

They rang Vi's depot to check on her health

And were told she'd be back next week

So they all agreed that wasn't too bad

And would wait on Monday at their usual stop

For the eight thirty two like they always do

And a ride on their usual steed

Violet's big red bus