A Craigslist Response (I Wrote This To Someone)

I wish I could write about something amazing, something fantasticly mind-catching. Something that would grab your imagination and hold it captive until the last few word-drops ran out. But what would that amazingly fantastic thing be? Would it involve a magical quest? Blindingly white stallions? Mideval dress-ware? A ring to rule them all? Isles in which hours were stuck at an exact time in the day for eternity?

What would it be? A story of transcendence? But why would I want to write a story of transcendence to you? Can't the real world, reality, capture the imagination too?

One day in the midst of time there was this hobbit, no this girl named candy, no a talking mouse with twitching whiskers.....no....

One day there was this ordinary girl, just like any other ordinary girl who lived on this little blue marble called earth. One day this extremely ordinary being decided to go on craigslist and email another person, hoping for an exceedingly plain cup of coffee with her at a place called Paneras, or some other coffee shop that everyone knew about in the quaint little county called Y___.

And what happens next you ask? Instead of going to the coffee place they somehow hijack a beat up vee dub and make it all the way to the maryland line, only to realize that the civil war has been over for over a hundred years. So, they turn back and accidentally run into a telephone pole which causes their grand larceny to explode as they run away in slow motion. with thumbs stuck-out they grab a ride from this hippy dude just in time to avoid the paramedics who believe there are actually lives to save within the smoldering wreckage they've left behind.

"where to?" says the bearded, and bead-haired hippie dude.

"Anywhere. Anywhere exceedingly ordinary." you say and I nod along agreeing.

Suddenly the road ends and the whole car goes sailing through the air. I almost shit myself thinking that we are certain to go crashing down to some sort of rocky-hard abyss. Going SPLAT-CRUNCH when we hit the bottom. But no, the car magically sprouts wings, evidently being a cousin of Chitty Chitty Bang-Bang and we go sailing off into the great blue yonder.

"Oy! there's a tornado up ahead!" the driver shouts.

"Is there some sort of emergency procedure for this?" You scream back.

"No! Because, you see, I've always expected the ordinary!" He responded, trying to outspeak the gyrating winds. "Here, here's a fire-extinguisher. It should prove handy!"

You look at it with dismay, and then back to the darkening tornado ripping across main-street.

"I have an idea!!!!" you shout into my ear. Grabbing your belt buckle you tie the fire extinquisher to your back and then reach for my arm as you jump out of the back seat window, flinging me down with you into the mercilessly thin atmosphere. I think you've gone mad, absolutely crazy, but then I remember that this is all perfectly routine standard procedure and feel quite calm about the terra-firma which is hurtling closer and closer to me with each passing millisecond, threatening to crack open my skull and spill all my gray matter out.

You pull the plug on the fire extinquisher. Suddenly, you have a jet pack in the form of the fire-retardent liquid shooting out the extinquisher.

"Brilliant! But you do realize that most anyone could've thought of that!? Now, how about that cup of plain-coffee before I pee my pants with all this free-falling nonsense?" I tell you most calmly as we only gradually, slow to a comfortable pace in our free-fall.

"That sounds like a deliciously-ordinary idea!" you tell me as we land in front of the not-so-secret coffee shop.