The Manimal

Lazards and Gorgantiles of the planet Zordac, may I present to you: !!The Manimal!! On his home planet, he butchers whole forests to print newspapers that leave the reader knowing less than when he started. He destroys whole jungles in order to make needless packaging for needless products such as video games and lawn ornaments. In his species, both men and women are incontent with their natural biology, the men obsessing to build needless, akward muscles and the women striving to be hairless pipsqueaks.

They have a curious institution in which they make rules that require stupidity and spinelessness to follow and then imprison those specimens with too much intelligence and integrity to bow. Rather than turning their technology toward eliminating ignorance and poverty, and producing space-ships and Utopian cities, as we have, they construct guns of such a size and power as you’ve never seen before. Then they shoot these at each other in massive, mutual slaughters over issues as the pigments of their skins and whether they should worship one or another God that doesn’t exist. Furthermore, rather than having a sensible mating season, they copulate so frequently and obsessively that there is hardly time to work and feed the resulting offspring.

In his natural environment, there's no end to the amusing tricks he can do. But, for your entertainment today, he will perform his most hilarious one of all. Listen closely: He's going to call himself a "Rational Being."