Toxic

Under my skin
a creature is crawling,
worming its way
through my body

sharp antennae
pin-pricking,
prodding nerves
nibbling muscle tissue

my face in the mirror -
eruptions of geriatric acne
swollen inflamed eyelids,
nose streams

I brush my teeth, spit
blood, apply compresses
to my eyes, cream to

my blotched skin,
gel to infected gums
but nothing works -
now mouth ulcers, a tiny one

which breeds until there are four,
something else to fix the ulcers
only it doesn't

raid health shops for vitamins,
supplements - anything to boost
my flagging immune system -
in vain

Do toxins fix toxins?

two pharmacists tell me I need
antibiotics - see your GP they say,
like he hasn't seen enough of me...

I drink water laced with bicarbonate
of soda to balance my PH and
settle my griping guts,

but still the internal alien pumps up
my stomach to the size of a six-month
pregnancy

as I feel my degenerated spine
sieze into spasm -

electric shocks run down
my legs, flies dance across my
vision, sirens scream in my ears...

walking past the radio, the sound
stutters and crackles, I am
pure electricity -

sit down, watch TV for half an hour,
read two chapters of a book,
get up - bump into furniture,

spilling the tea which has taken
fifteen minutes to make;

try to write, but even everyday
words elude me - staring at the
screen I wonder if I've spelled
my name wright, I mean right

all aspects of daily trivia have
become magnified,

HUGE

I sleep very little then hallucinate,
wake with heart thudding and
body juddering in synchrony

to a sledgehammer of a depression
as the cycle begins again

Nobody told me, nobody warned me
my relationship with a toxic little pill,
and its progeny, would dominate

so much of my life, leaving me maimed,
impaired, with time running out...

they say this is worse than heroin
withdrawals but I never believed it

Until now...