Taste of Freedom

By seekerofwords

Sun, 13 Apr 2008
  • 974 reads
3 comments
 

The heavens send forth
their bounty of joyous gifts
that banishes the darkness
and releases the oppressed
from the bondages of repression

Rivers of blood become
the waters of righteousness
as truth cleanses the land
of the transgressions
of the ignorant masses

(C)2008 Lenny Gazbowski
(aka seekerofwords)

Certificate U
Poem
Spiritual

Comments

Submitted by onemorething on
If you say 'heavens' it should be 'send' not 'sends and similarly, 'joyous gifts' should be 'banish' not 'banishes'. Then also if it's 'heavens' it ought to be 'their bounty'. It reads a bit awkwardly to have 'darkness' twice in one stanza too. Interesting idea. Hope you don't mind me pointing out the odd error, but think corrections would make it an improved read.

 

Submitted by seekerofwords on
No problems with your "pointers", which will be implemented. I overlooked the use of darkness in the first stanza, and will edit the poem accordingly. Regards, Lenny

easy on the mayo dude!

Submitted by seekerofwords on
i must add that this poem has religous connotations, i myself am not. smile with each heartbeat

easy on the mayo dude!