Eish London Sunday 17 May

Sunday, 17 May

I love taking long walks and my ‘new’ house offers me one of the few hills in London, which is great. I can take a walk from the house, wind my way up the steep hill towards a park; walk alongside the park on the crest of the hill; take in an awesome sunset and then head down the other side, back to the metropolis of Wembley Park ASDA to buy some water and then wander back again.

It was on one of these walks that I found words cascading in my mind in the form of a poem. It’s been a while since words have found their way to me. It seems when my soul is near peace, words start to tickle my tongue and energize my brain. Today held one of those inspirational dusks where I was touching a bit of peace in my soul; just me and the hill and a wonderful sunset that waved its rays at me as I descended to the place I was trying to call home. Granted I’m in no way a Milton, or a Shakespeare, or even a Plath or Cummings, I’m only a lass who tries to sculpt words to encapsulate moments in my life, because moments are so fleeting that to let magical ones pass unnoticed would be sad, wasteful and disrespectful to that moment…

I tried to capture the moment:

I saw the sun sink

Through hues of blues

Draining rainbow colours

Into midnight purples;

Sinking slowly, wistfully,

Leaving in its wake

Shiny clean stars

In a sparkling array

Having poetic words find me on my walk also reminded me that I hadn’t written a diary entry in a very long time. I tend to avoid writing when I’m busy and stressed, because all the words seem to come out rushed and in point form, briefly covering minor details and getting nowhere near the core of the matter. It’s actually a great gauge to see how I’m doing and remind myself that my balance is off because I’m not writing, I’m not thinking, I’m not doing what makes me feel happy and inspired and purposeful. After quickly scribbling my poem down in my farewell gift diary, I continued with a journal entry:

"Ok, it’s taken me a very long time to get a pen to paper. Angel gave me a journal to write in when she came to my farewell in Johannesburg, it would be a pity to waste all this paper that is deliciously waiting to be scribbled on. It’s a lovely journal, and, as Angel has a soul similar to mine, she bought me one with Christian verses in it; one of them being: "Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." – Joshua 1:9.

It’s funny (weird, not ha ha) to think that I’ve already been here since the 5th of April. That’s a total of 42 days. Thankfully I’m nowhere near the wreck that I was when I did my little expedition to teach in Taiwan back in 2001; but I knew when I left South Africa that it couldn’t possibly be worse than that experience and because I survived the little town of Gangshan, I could survive, with a little help from my friends, the big town of London.

Thus far I have sorted out my bank account and linked myself up with internet banking. I have one debit account for my pay cheque and a savings account where my bond repayments will accumulate so I can send money home in lump sums. It was such a mission to get a PIN! Ridiculous! Thank goodness I eventually received my PIN and changed it to something I would remember. Fortunately, I now have a few weeks worth of work behind me and have been paid £936 in total. When I get paid again, which happens fortnightly on the Tuesday after I have worked, I will have made back the money I arrived with, and it’s good to know that I’m not scraping the bottom of the barrel for food.

When I left home Mom gave me some Pounds to buy a cellular/mobile phone and I managed to find a really nice little one that serves all intents and purposes well. It’s bizarre having a new phone, because I’ve used hand-me-downs since I first had to have one at University in 1998. It was the biggest brick of a phone ever, the same size as a landline portable phone, with a big plastic flip up aerial! It barely fitted into a handbag and spent most of its life off and in my residence room. Can you imagine anyone in university today not having a mobile phone near them? I can’t. The new model I now have was made in Romania. I didn’t even know that Romanians made phones, but there you have it. An international product, on which I’m making the cheapest international calls ever. It’s FANTASTIC, I can phone people around the world for 6p a minute. I’m loving that! International calls are seriously expensive from South Africa. So far I’ve phoned South Africa, New Zealand and Australia to chat to people. Does speaking to people so far away make me sadder or happier? Happier I think, because I don’t want people to forget me…

I’ve been reading the farewell cards that I brought over with me… They remind me of why I moved here, about chasing dreams and living life; I think it’s important to have constant reminders, or it becomes too easy to forget. I do still want to be on stage, but I feel like I’ve hit a brick wall because I’ve had to get down to earning Pounds to pay for accommodation and food and transport and the like. Lord, please start opening some performance doors for me. Thank-You.

Back in South Africa so many people have so much faith in me; and I do have the passion and desire in me, I just don’t know what steps I need to take? I don’t know what I should be doing or where I should be going. If I look at my options: Maybe I need to join a local theatre group? Maybe I need to pay an online agency, or scout for local agencies? How do you test agent legitimacy in this country? How do I find a decent local amateur group? Where do I find the answers?

From a work perspective: supply teaching is exhausting! I generally have to be a policeman, concentrating on disciplining all day; AND you are not guaranteed work, so you can only take it a day at a time. This impacts on budgeting and stress levels and subconscious thoughts too.

Even thinking about the week I’ve had exhausts me and I still need to get my tumble-drying from downstairs before I can get to sleep. Lord please may I have a full teaching week this week. Thank-You!"

The front cover of my farewell gift journal says:

"I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Amen to that. Lord I’m counting on it!