'It's The Vibrator or Me!'

'IT'S THE VIBRATOR OR ME!'
sneak

I farted as I climaxed,
scratched my arse and fell asleep.
She lay there unfulfilled,
beneath a pure white sheet.
She says I'm fucking useless.
I've asked if she is gay.
She said she faked her orgasm -
and even faked foreplay!
She's told her friends about me.
Says I'm hopeless in the sack.
She's even asked my mother-
if she'll have me fuckin back!
Her words are very hurtful.
With every syllable I flinch.
She says I need extending -
by at least another inch!
I'm unable to retaliate.
I love her tits too much.
Life is not worth living -
if I cannot have a touch.
I've tried to be romantic,
bought her crotchless underwear.
I've even said I'll help her -
trim back her pubic hair.
Its hard to make her happy.
But happy she must be.
I've made an ultimatum.
'It's the vibrator or me!'

?Waiting at the railway station.
Ticket clutched in hand.
My mother on my mobile,
my head beneath the sand.