The Gift

Presents were never really my thing. They always came laden with layers of emotional blackmail and guilt. They were always undeserved. Then you came into my life, tentative at first, both of us. No gifts I said I don’t do birthdays or Christmas or anniversaries or valentines, none of the commercialised rubbish.

You'd agreed, nodding gently in your contemplative way.

I thought nothing more of it, it was agreed, done and dusted, dealt with.

I was just browsing the rails with you and pulled out a few items of clothing. They were the kinds of things that were always aspirational and rarely ever actually owned. When would I wear something like that, soft, silky, feminine. Not my regular black and always jeans unless obliged to wear something alternative. This was floaty, romantic, colourful, deep glorious indigo silk.

‘I’d like to buy that for you, I can see you looking amazing in that.’

Spoken softly , casually, tentatively still, but when I looked at your eyes I could see how deeply you meant those simple words. You wanted to buy something as a gift, and I had more or less prevented that possibility. So now you took your opportunity.

I had read somewhere that the giving of gifts was taken very seriously in some spiritual traditions and should only be undertaken with solemnity and intention, that what you gave was also a part of yourself and that would remain with the other person indefinitely. I ldo reslised over the years that much giving came with agendas such as ‘like me more’, or ‘you own me’, and I had promised myself never to be owned like this again. I was also aware that generosity was a highly significant approach to a spiritually healthy life.

Was this generosity or a buy?

I looked deeply into your eyes and saw nothing but love there, with a slight hesitancy, a fear perhaps of invading my fierce independence, of breaking my rules and causing offence where none was intended. Your hesitancy showed me it was safe.

I broke down in tears

You were astonished and rushed to put an arm around my shoulder, fearful that you had indeed caused me upset.

‘no, no, I am ok, really I am ok. You just took me by surprise. No one ever gave me a gift with their love before like this’

I leaned in against him and we stood for a few seconds more, both aware we were in a very public place. Then I went and tried some items on, came and showed him, and asked him to choose which he preferred.

‘All of them’.

I stopped and turned once more to look at him, again his eyes showed only love.

‘Are you sure?’ I asked once more.

He nodded.

Tears welled once more. No one had ever given me such a gift before. I realised life would now be different and that was the true gift. Thank you. x