A hundred moments in autism - I am Hangry

I am hangry.  

Autists can be prone to anger, a symptom of exhaustion from constant masking and frustration on not understanding NT communication and the feeling of not being heard, and the general dissonance of having to navigate a world designed for a different brain-type.  

I am hangry because I haven’t eaten, because my ADHD wife has arranged for us to drive to a gig without factoring the need to eat before the gig.  We arrive just before the gig starts, with nowhere nearby I can eat and no food at the venue.  

When I get hangry I get really hangry – by which I get angry about the fact I’m hungry. I don’t understand the illogic of NTs who get angry about something completely unrelated - because I haven’t eaten. I am laser focused, I’m not going to start yelling at you for wearing the wrong trousers, moaning about the weather, or having a go at Starmer. I am angry about being hungry, nothing else (well, Starmer obviously). 

“I need to put food in my mouth and eat it,” I say (well shout, I am hangry after all). 

“Why don’t you factor in the need to eat,” I say. “If I was on my own, I could live for another 176 billion years and I would never go hungry.”   

There are problems with this claim, obviously. It is unclear how much longer the universe will exist, 176 billion years seems optimistic. As for our pathetic little planet, probably no more than 2 billion years, and humankind significantly less than that. As for my own life expectancy, I would place it well shy of 176 billion years, even if I gave up booze and lost weight.  

My point is, that one I lived alone and organised my own activities and travel plans I never came remotely close to a situation where I failed to eat when going out.  

Autists like myself like to be in control of the environment. I hate not knowing where I’m going the exact details of the travel plans. Left to my own devices I would have planned the journey in detail, left lots of time, researched the location of the venue and search googlemaps for local eateries, and alternative options en route. Turning up late and sitting in a gig for hours without eating is my idea of Hell.   

Many autists have issues around food, they may struggle to tolerate different tastes, textures, appearances, and smells, selective eating (consuming a narrow range of food) is also a common problem, and there is a strong overlap between autism and anorexia. 

In my case, my main problem is that when I get hungry I really need to eat. And that makes me hangry.