Statler and Thatcher (deceased) - the energy crisis

Sir Keith Statler, newly-elected leader of the Labour Party, is keen to re-shape socialism for the 21^st century, but none of the policy wonks in his party share his vision. Luckily, he has a secret policy advisor that nobody else can see or hear: the ghost of Margaret Thatcher.

Sir Keith arrived at his office to find that his official Policy Advisor, Jeff Feckland already, at his desk.

“Ah, Sir Keith,” he said, “We need to discuss the Party’s response to the fuel crisis. People’s fuel bills are expected to rise three-fold this winter and millions will die from dire poverty. We need to decide between a windfall tax on energy companies, a freeze on bills or some form of emergency payment to householders.  

At that moment, Lady Thatcher chose to appear, though of course she could only be seen by Sir Keith, with whom she showed a special attachment.  “Windfall taxes, state handouts, interference in the free market,  you can’t run a country that way. When I was young people didn’t need the heating on all day to keep warm, they worked hard and were glad of cool air to refresh them. It is not the states role to subsidise the feckless to sit on their bottoms with the heating on full.”

“Would that be popular though,” said Sir Keith to Feckland. "Shouldn’t we be encouraging people to keep warm thought hard work, rather than giving them handouts to spend on Netflix and avocado toast. We should rely on the invisible hand of the mark to sort out social problems.”

“It’s not an invisible hand though, is it?” said Feckland. “It’s a grabbing hand grabbing all it can. Monopoly industries like energy need state intervention, otherwise we get energy bosses awarding themselves £billions while pensioners literally freeze to death. The Party needs to take a firm line, buying up the energy companies if they refuse to restrain prices.”

“Nonsense,” said Lady Thatcher. “It is not the role of the state to artificially sustain the lives of the feckless and lazy.”

“Nonsense,” said Sir Keith. “It is not the role of the state to artificially sustain the lives of the feckless and lazy.”

“If you say so, Sir Keith,” said Feckland. “At least the millions dying will be the elderly poor, 80% of whom vote Tory. A million deaths should secure us fifty swing seats.”

“Wait!” said Lady Thatcher’s ghost.

“Wait!” said Sir Keith.