Fun with Tax Returns 1 (IP)

Its time to complete your tax return, oh boy
Gee whizz! Gosh golly gee! Gee! Well, I'm having trouble with this. I mean tax, tax is like this thing were you give money to the government and then they pay for things. But heres the thing, if you give them some money but its not real money they'll give you a right kick up the bum. But then again. I got some money that I got from work, and then I give some of that money to this thing called the government and then they say. Thanks! Very nice of you to give uzs this money, but its not real money is it. Then I say. Yeah 'tis. And they say, were did you get this money. And I say, I printed off the internet. And they say, no, you've got it all wrong, you can't print the money off yourself you have to earn it by selling services to others. And then I said what kind of services are these you speak of? And they said, you know, a job. And then I said, I got a job. And then they said, whats your job. And then I said, its a taxi driver. I drive taxis like that guy in the film 'Taxi Driver' like one time this guy got into my taxi and i didnt know who it was and then they spoke and it sounded like Sean Connery's lesser known half brother Boaby Connery and thenI turned round and it was Sean Connery's lesser known half brother's better known half brother Sean Connery. And then they said well you must have some real money then and then I said, why would I. And then they said because you charge people to use your taxi and then I said, no I just drop them off were they want to go it would be rather nasty of me to charge them and then they said well you probably should if you want to earn a living and then I said I do earn a living. Also, by the way,I used to sell ice cream, but I was fired becuase they said to me, they said: 'Selling ice cream is an art you need to scoop the ice cream into cones and give it to the costermers not melt the ice cream and hold their noses while tipping it down their throats. I said well if i'm not allowed any creative lisence then I'll just quit. What's 'creative lisence' they asked me?. Well vI said 'creative lisence' is when you're allowed to be creative. For example, I met Bruce Willis one day and I said, that guy you act in Die Hard should sing the first three words of every national anthem on the plant to add some creative lisence to the rtole. He said: that's a stupid idea. I said, 'get out' you little twerp. He punched me in the face and I ran off crying.

What were we talking about again?
Brue Willis, so anyway to make a long story short I poisened him with arsnic and then rammed a goat down his throat.

After this, I had to flee the town of Broadstairs, so I took a job as a tour guide in Scunthorpe. I showed people round the town hall but I got fired for calling the twon hall a 'boing load of SHITE' then I kicked the major (not the mayor) in the crotch then kicked the mayor in the genitiles yes there is a differnece.

Ok, back to my tax returns I need to declare my expences but I bought a Dairy Milk bar not ten days ago from a travelling dog salesman for £1456, that's expensive so I should declare it. Talking of expences the Queen is expensive, I once broke into Buckingham Palance at midnight three days ago and yelled at her WHY ARE YOU EXPENSIVE!! then I was evicted mfrom the premesis and had to pay fort the queen to have her eardrums surgically reconstructed yes that is possible I read it in a magazine talking of magazines I once read 'shooting monthly' and I then I went and shot someone called Monty I misread the title. And then I fell down a well which turned out to be an abandoned mine shaft.