The Myspace Story Part One

This is a satirical depiction of the ever changing nature of teenage cults, or 'scenes' as they call themselves. I wrote this when I was 16, and it's about the hordes of black clad eighties haircutted teens we all see wondering lost around our metropolises. If you're from the 'Myspace Generation' you'll enjoy this one.

My name is Jake.
I am so Hardcore I two stepped my mother to death to the breakdown in that Bury Your Dead song. I then grew a fringe and disowned everything about emo, even though I dress like something out of From First To Last, but their Purevolume calls them Metal. So yeh I like Metal. It's exactly the same to Hardcore right? What's the difference? Shorter hair I guess. I only really like Bring Me The Horizon though 'cos if you put all their fringes together it would stretch around the world 74 times and I own every single Drop Dead inc shirt. If you cross my path I shall see you in the circle pitt and you shall be scared as you see a boy who's hair reminds you of "It" from the Addam's family come charging towards you. I secretly like My Chemical Romance, but won't admit it to anyone, I just occasionaly borrow my 7year old sister's copy of "Three Cheers For The Sweet Revenge". It's definitely not my most played on my iTunes. I also borrow my sisters jeans, they are so tight that they sometimes travel via osmosis into my skin. I also like her really tight shirts. I love photography so much and when I grow up I want to be one of those men that takes photos or something, I forget what they are called, but they press a button and there is a massive flash, and then they go and photoshop it 'bare'. Oh yeh 'pretenious twat' is what they're called. I want a girlfriend that pretends to like Penknifelovelife, and has at least a 1000 myspace friends, with heavily photoshopped pictures please. No less than 50 comments to each picture. Also it would be good if she had DEATH with a little tm in her name, then I'd cream myself. Oh yes please.

Oh shit my mate just myspaced messaged me saying its cool to be Indie, I'm going to go chop of my fringe, get the Cazal's album and take copious amounts of drugs. Thank god I dont have to be straight edge anymore.

See you at Koko.