The Myspace Story Part Two

This is a disgusting piece I wrote a few years ago on Myspace, 'A Place For Friends' as it tags itself. It's in reaction to the ridiculous amounts of self portraits on Social networking sites, that always seem to be deceptively flattering. Evidently it's all done in the style of a mock article, that something like the Daily Mail would publish.

"In the last year 2,138 teenagers have been seriously injured by dropping digital cameras upon their faces. Beverley Hughes, Minister of State for Children, Young People and Families, has addressed this problem by implementing Photography as a mandatory GCSE, with ASBOs seemingly not the answer. The 'craze' as Sarah from Bromley-on-Tynechester put it, started in youths' conceited attempts to achieve 'the angles' with many seriously disfiguring their already disgusting faces with such feats of vanity. Sarah, (un)luckily escaped death when she ascended an electric pylon outside her suburban home to place her camera on self-timer, trying to get the timeless "lost puppy" look, when she was just an ugly dog. The instances vary from the funny to the funny but it's just another example of the youth of today's obsession with the self. Michelle from Sheffield-on-Thames is reported to have an elongation of her right arm, a problem that 16% of kids today are estimated to have. Michelle's G.P, Harold Shipman, sited the cause as "Michelle's eternal struggle to take that picture so far away from face, that it couldn't be scene/[seen]". Thankfully Michelle's mother, who hates her, invested in a new camera, with a self-timer, Dr. Shipman again stated "[the self-timer] would help hinder the elongation of her right arm, which is now, as it stands, 13cms longer than her left.""