Christmas Cock-Up

The day dad caught his dick in his zip,
Is a day I will never forget!
I’d heard many a curse from his lip
But that day, I got a new set.

It was a Christmas time Saturday night
When there’s peace and good will to all men
But that year it went out like a light
When dad nearly ripped off his foreskin

He came home from his work full of song
So determined to be of good cheer
But it all went so horribly wrong
Long before he got out for a beer

He kissed mother and patted my head
Said he’d pop up and have a quick shave
Moments later I thought he was dead
And we’d stand Christmas day by his grave

We rushed out to the hallway and looked
And there stood at the top of our stairs
With a face that said my goose is cooked
All his sad news he started to share

With hands gripping tightly his jewels
He asked mother, “Here love, come grab hold!”
She said, “Really dad you know the rules;
And the children’s’ cocoa’s going cold

“Fuck the cocoa and fuck the kids too!”
He screamed as he jumped up and down
“The top of my knob’s turning blue;
And it’s not due to ‘Dulux’ or ‘Crown’”

“You can take that shocked look off your mush.
And if you think there isn’t real pain
When I’m free, I’ll set fire to your bush
And heat the cocoa on the flame”

Well mother was stunned, you could say
Her cheeks, they had started to boil
She went off and returned straight away
With a knife and some three-in-one oil

Dad stood in a nervous like pose
Afraid mother was loosing her grip
When she stuck the knife under his nose
His hands shot up and down shot the zip

Mum had played quite a cute game
By diverting his eyes from the wound
Believing that she’d gone insane
Poor dad had been ready to swoon

That Christmas was a quiet affair
I got guns and mum got a nice clock
My sister got dolls with nice hair
And dad got some cold cream for his cock

Now you may think this tale rather rude
And one not to be bandied about
But I felt, you should know what to do
Should dad zip, while his dick is still out.