Dog for sale!

I'm selling my dog and for just fifty quid
you'll get a great friend, who's as good as a kid.
He's house-trained and cute when he sits up to beg
And don't worry if, he should start humping your leg,
it just means that he really likes you.

I've just dropped the price and it's now twenty-five
because next doors pussy is barely alive.
It wasn't his fault, I can well vouch for that
cos that bundle of fur looks just like a big rat
and rats – as we all know – need killing.

OK, it's a bargain; a tenner to you,
I don't care what dad says, it wasn't his poo
that they found on the front seat of his brand new Merc;
it was my little brother, the lazy bowel burke.
It must have fell out of his nappy!

Alright, listen up, he's free to a good home,
don't know what they expect; cos all dogs love a bone
and old Mister Tompkins, should never wear shorts;
his legs are so skinny – and they've got lots of warts.
The forty three stitches weren't called for!

If you take him, I'll give you a fiver as well,
dad says he belongs with the devil in hell.
But when in the bathroom, you should close the door,
I mean, that's what they always put locks on them for;
and it did look a bit like a snake!