My Partner the Nympho Vampire Chapter 1

She looked ordinary...well that’s not strictly true; maybe normal would be better suited for descriptive purposes.
She had long black hair; straight and with sheen like polished ebony; it almost sparkled.
She was not tall – maybe 5’7” - but her willowy figure and angular features belied this. Her face demanded interest; her eyes, large dark pools, that contrasted vividly with the skin, which reminded of delicate, incredibly white translucent porcelain.

Harry met her on the underground. His train had been pulling into Northfields station at the end of his nightshift. She had appeared next to the cab of his guards compartment; he had leaned back to take out his operators key and when he turned back, she was there.

She smiled and asked, very softly, in an accent that he couldn’t quite place;
‘Vould you like to fuck me?’

‘Hey?’

He’d been too long down these bloody tunnels; for a minute he thought that he had been asked, by one of the loveliest looking birds that he had laid his eyes on, if he......

‘I am zorry, I ztudy zee phrase book but my speakeen of zee Engleesh eez not so goot, yez?’

‘Are you sure, you got it the right way up love..?’

‘I try zometheen else; I vould like to zuck your peeniz an ‘ave your cock up my puzzy! Theez eez better, non?

‘Gorblimey! Baa...better? erm...well, erm...tha, that depends on, on, on whether or not you have just run away from the local lunatic asylum err...really.’

The December sun was a good hour away from showing its winter face but the horizon was changing from black to dark grey. Harry noticed the white faced ‘nympho’ staring up and looking back to him, with pleading in her big, dark hypnotizing eyes.

‘My name eez Valeria’

‘Harry!’

‘You leeve cloze to eear Harry, yez?’

‘Err, yea; just down the road a bit!’ he sort of remembered answering.

‘Goot, vee go now and fuck like zee bunny rats!’

‘Rabbits!’

‘Zem too!’

---------------------------------------------

He remembered coming home. He also remembered trying to warn her about next door’s dog, ‘Poppy’; a dirty great Rottweiler, whose favourite pastime seemed to be trying to eat Harry or Harry’s cat, ‘Tiger’. He had a vague memory of Valeria smiling at the dog and of ‘Poppy’ promptly shitting herself and speeding down the garden, whimpering like a virgin in a brothel.

Harry ‘came to’ sitting on his own sofa, while she drew the curtains. He was confused – and that was putting it mildly.

‘What the fuck is going on and who the fuck are you?’ Harry demanded standing up and attempting to move towards his self-invited house guest.

‘Zeet down, I veel explain eet to you een a meen-it.’

‘Now, hang on a minute, I ....’

‘ZEET DOWN!’

Harry felt something slam into the back of his legs and before he could say, ‘I’m up!’ he was back down; on the sofa.

‘I am zorry, I am being very rude but eet eez an emergenzy; I veel explain. Zome men came and ztarted knocking down zee ‘ouse zat I voz leeving in.
I voz zleeping in zee zelor at zee time...’

‘They came in the middle of the night?’

‘No! zey come een zee meedle of zee day...’

‘You sleep in the cellar?’

‘Of courze, eet eez the zafest plaze for my casket...’

‘Whoa, you sleep in a casket in the cellar in the day time? ....oh Fuck me!’

‘I veel, I promeeze...but firzt I tell you vot happen, non?’

‘Ha! Let me guess; you woke up, pulled one of them in the door and had him for breakfast...because you’re a fucking vampire!’

‘Ow deed you know theese? You are zo much more clever zan you look.’

‘Hang about, you.....’

‘Ve do not ‘ang about anymore; zat eez a meeth. I try not to fly alzo but I do like to levitate ven pozzeeble. Eet makez eet easier to fuck or too ‘ave my puzzy eaten veeth zom comfort.’

‘But that means I’ll turn into a vampire too!’

‘Rubbeesh! Zare eez no vangs een my puzzy – eet doz not bite!’

‘Yea, but you could squirt something and paralyze me....’

‘Eev I zquirt zomezing eet veel be becauze you are better vith your tongue at zee leeking zan you are vith the talking; othervise I veel be lucky, eev eet doz not crumble and turn to duzt!’

‘Can that happen?’

‘Are you....ow eez you zay, a total moron, or eez theez zome kind ov an act zat you poot on? Come letz go and fuck like zee bunny ratz...’

‘Rabbits...it’s fucking rabbits and I don’t wanna fuck you. You will probably kill me and turn me into a vampire...I’d have to work the night shift for the rest of my life...death...half life...whatever-the-fuck!
Some bird would get on my train with a bag full of garlic an’ I’d have to turn into a fucking bat and fly up the tunnel.
Blokes like Christopher Lee would come after me with wooden stakes and silver crosses. I’d turn to dust and a gust of wind would blow me over half of Piccadilly; I wanna be buried in London....but not spread all over it, like bird shit and chewing gum! ’

‘Eev I vanted to keel you, I vould have done eet already. I like you and you ave zaved me. Eet eez against zee code of zee vampires too keel a protector. I vould be hunted down an executed, for ziz eez zee biggest crime zat I could commit. You are zee zafezt man in zee country.
Your enemies are my enemies and I vill make zure zat you come to no harm; eet eez my code.’

‘Seriously...You’re not just saying that?’

‘I zwear eet; on my live!’

‘But you’re dead...’

‘Doz ziz look dead to you?’

‘Don’t take that off here...Cor, what a pair of...fuck me!’

‘Non, you fuck me...NOW!

In chapter 2;
Harry plays with a ‘puzzy’, Valeria meets the neighbours and the dog gets a bone.