Peace removed!

Cherry

By threeleafshamrock

Fri, 10 Jul 2009
  • 4813 reads
20 comments
 

She has taken all the mirrors from the walls;
‘Fuck off!’ she spits out at the last reflection.
Squares of original colours in the halls
Replace the pain and faces of rejection

You must learn to love yourself, the shrink advised
‘Smile at the mirror, whisper; you’re the best!’
She tried it - but was horribly surprised,
when the face inquired, ‘Where’s your other breast?’

HE says it doesn’t matter and ‘don’t worry…
your still beautiful to me my love’, he calls.
She wonders; would he be so fucking happy
if someone had removed one of his balls?

She undresses in the dark; no more stripteases.
No more sex, no fun, no laughter any more;
every time that HE comes near she freezes.
If he’s that desperate, let him pay a whore!

She wishes she hadn’t had the operation,
she would have died but at least she’d have died whole.
Instead, she let herself become an aberration
and gave up her body just to keep her soul

But today the latest check-up was revealing;
the cancer had returned once more to scorn.
And this mutilated body; she thought healing,
was becoming something, soon to be outworn

‘I’ll say a prayer for you’, the local vicar said
and God will help you through this trying time.
She told the prick, she’d swap his daily bread
for two breasts, and a guarantee divine.

She phoned him later begging for his pardon;
he said he understood and ‘please take care’
but she knew he had misjudged her transgression
as the empty pills pack, fell from her favourite chair.

Certificate 15
Poem
shamrock's ramblings
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Comments

Submitted by pinda on
Before I comment please could you explain the last two lines. "but she knew he had misunderstood her transgress as the empty pills pack, fell from the bedroom chair." I'm confused about this part because I don't know what transgress means and the pill pack? Sorry I'm normall fast at undertstanding your poems but this pieces ending got me. Anyway, this is to me the best piece you have done. The humour, mystery and in someway the developing story and concept made me read on and on. Just please explain the last verse to me, then I will be happy :). P.s. this piece is in my top poems, the idea and realism and how it links to everyday life was very good.

Submitted by pinda on
Just read the poems teaser, for a friend. I take back what I said about noticing humour in this piece. I just thought that from this part "‘I’ll say a prayer for you’, the local vicar said and God will help you through this trying time. She told the prick, she’d swap his daily bread for two breasts, and a guarantee divine" In no way did i think the actual concept of the body etc being funny. Just this verse.

Submitted by threeleafshamrock on
Pinda, thanks so much for reading and having the brains to actually ask me to explain something that you don't understand; Transgress: 'act in disregard of laws and rules' or 'commit a sin; violate a law of God or a moral law' She phoned him later begging his forgiveness; FAIRLY STRAIGHT FORWARD (BUT DOESN'T SAY WHAT SHE WANTS TO BE FORGIVEN FOR) he said he understood and ‘please take care’; THE VICAR (AND INITIALLY THE READER) UNDERSTANDS IT TO BE AN APOLOGY FOR THE INCIDENT EARLIER AND IS NOT TO BOTHERED but she knew he had misunderstood her transgress; THE SUBJECT OF THE POEM IS NOT ASKING FOR FORGIVENESS FOR THE EARLIER INCIDENT BUT RATHER THE PRESENT ONE; SHE HAS SWALLOWED ALL THE PILLS AND IS COMMITTING SUICIDE BECAUSE SHE CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE - THIS IS THE TRANSGRESS (SIN) THAT SHE IS LOOKING FOR FORGIVENESS FOR AND SHE KNOWS THAT THE VICAR HAS GOT IT WRONG! as the empty pills pack, fell from the bedroom chair; THE PILL PACK IS EMPTY; SHE HAS TAKEN THEM ALL WITH THE INTENTION OF KILLING HERSELF. Hope that clears it up a bit Pinda. I get exactly what you mean about the perceived comedic element. I have often made the same assumption and it was in a way 'darkly' funny; as is life sometimes. Comedy and Tragedy are closer bedfellows than some people realise. One of the best examples that I can think of is a Brendan Behan play called 'The Hostage.' Thanks again for reading and if there is something that you still need to know; gimme a shout. ;)

Submitted by pinda on
Well reading your comment, I can definetly say this is your best work by far. Now knowing about the pills and suicide etc, it makes the poem alot more darker. Wowo this piece has touched me because these things happen everyday. Really good job mate, I enjoyed this piece a lot dude. The whole idea of the apology etc was brilliantly wirtten and got me thinking. Good job mate.

Submitted by threeleafshamrock on
Thanks so much Pinda; greatly appreciate your interest and encouraging comments, thanks mate!

Submitted by threeleafshamrock on
Thanks SC...indeed they do sadly.

Submitted by Jupiter on
A very well described personal horror story and a well written suicide forgiveness twist. Good, moving stuff Chris ;-)

Submitted by threeleafshamrock on
cheers J. ;)

Submitted by Ewan on
Hi Chris, liked the poem, but you can't use transgress as you have in your line. Transgress is the verb infinitive or perhaps even anything but 3rd person singular present, neither of which will do here. You can use either trangression (abstract noun) or transgressing (verbal noun/gerund). It's like saying I forgive your masturbate (sorry about that, it was the only word I could think of which behaves like this). You could say, for example, I forgive your punch because punch is a noun as well as a verb. Do you see what I mean?

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Submitted by threeleafshamrock on
Yea Ewan, I know what you mean. I was concentrating more on rhyme than on content; I felt it was wrong at the time and meant to check it out with regard to grammar. I went off judging something and forgot to look at it again. I changed it now and would be interested to know what you think. Like some of the examples that you showed though; very educational LOL. Thanks for the help and interest; thank goodness you have an eagle eye. I changed 'misunderstood' to 'misjudged' for the sake of rhythm; what do you think? Does it still work?

Submitted by sarah wilson on
So sad Chris, and very well expressed. Didn't see it before edit but it is great now:) sarah x

Submitted by threeleafshamrock on
Thanks Sarah, much appreciated. Chris ;)

Submitted by Ewan on
Works for me.

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Submitted by threeleafshamrock on
Thanks Ewan, and thanks to the cherry pickers ;)

Submitted by whiskey on
My sister's been in remission from breast cancer for several years now, so this struck home.

Submitted by threeleafshamrock on
A lot of my female relations - cousins and aunts - have had it and my sister had a lump removed; it's insidious. My father died from throat cancer. I am sorry whiskey if this was in any way hurtful or caused distress but it wasn't a glib statement just to win a cherry; I really feel strongly about this bloody killer. My cousin has had both breasts removed and a hysterectomy on three different occasions over a period of 20 years. She is happy and quite healthy and has been clear for 10. There is hope and it doesn't have to be a killer every time. The word 'Cancer' is just so frightening and seems to have a stigma attached, so that people are afraid to even say the word. I have seen it up close and personal and know that there is no point sticking my head in the sand and pretending that it is not there...just think positive. I won't say that I'm glad that you can relate because I wish it were otherwise but I hope you can appreciate where I'm coming from. I hope your sister is one of the many winners in this fight. Chris

Submitted by whiskey on
Not hurtful at all, Chris - I could see from the intensity of the piece that it was personal and heartfelt. My heart goes out to your family.

Submitted by Cavalcader on
new threeleafshamrock well done I knew this must be true and "definitely picked up the pills fell from the chair on the floor" But life's experiences one can mostly understand and feel others. Had Priest tAUGHT ME ONLY PEACE COMES FROM GOD. Shamrock" is lucky or is it Clover. See earnt you cherry.good.A lot of people can't and won't though be able to put it out print to others and websites some do. I mean that in nice way. I can feel now! peoples hurts and pains and experiences now? julie Cavalcaderl bless you+

Submitted by threeleafshamrock on
Thanks very much Julie ;)

Submitted by Cavalcader on
new threeleafshamrock as I have watched? and been there! etc. it is medical people who care at hospice or at home!! I know Never "Euthanasia"? would teach anyone go ahead in the wrong hands? etc; elderly whoever debate and talk but show it everything disgraceful, when been at there bed-sides, and I said so those concerned, as a christian strongly No there all someones loved ones time will come let go in God's timing. I know all I can say? and photos papers 2 pages exploiting it an them? and to those concerned. Have to be careful what say.I believe should be everyone protest against this. julie x