Stay Away Santa

Don't come round to our house Santa, stay in the north pole.
You only come last Christmas so that you could get yer hole.
I sneaked down stairs on Chris'mas Eve and hid behind some logs
and I seen you and mummy; you was shaggin' like two dogs.

I seen yer fat arse wobbling an' yer gruntin' like a pig.
It's just as well, I heard mum say; she 'don't want nuthin' big!'
I think you'd had some whiskey, to me it seemed quite clear
'cause you said, 'God I'm coming!' when you was already here.

Mum said, 'If you dare stop now, I may not let you live...'
but what you did with Rudolph's carrot, I never will forgive.
It's bad enough, you shaggin mum and dad upstairs in bed...
but if Rudolf eats that carrot,well...he's bound to end up dead.

I took precautions, this time round and don't think I'm a liar;
there's so much mustard on that veg, mum's minge will go on fire.
My friend says there's no Santa; that you really don't exist...
but he didn't see the fat perv, shaggin' mum, last year while pissed

So don't come down our chimney this year, when out on your calls
'cause that Pit-bull, that I got last year, will have your fuckin' balls.