Pre-Panto gate crasher sketch - Star of the show

Characters

Star of the show (Star)
Stage hand (S.H)
2 x Panto police P1, P2
2 or 3 juniors for heads through curtains - H1, H2 & H3
Dame - H4

Props

For star of the show (Star);
Star mask, Yellow bedding (Cloak attached to wrists & ankles) Alladin
script with back pages ripped out.

For stage hand (S.H);
Visible head set (or walkie talkie) & maybe a screwdriver to appear as
if fixing the microphones.

Scene

Set in front of curtains so no back drop required

Act

S.H walks up steps (Stage right) & one by one adjusts the microphones,
until he gets to the last one. Then;
Star walks up the steps (Stage right) and starts waving at the audience
- indicates to audience that he sees a microphone & moves over to it
(Not centre stage)

Star - Hello everybody (S.H stops what he's doing & stares a moment)
Star - (Ad lib) Hello boys & girls, hello mums and Dad's (Still waving
at everyone)
Star - Before the show begins I'd like to introduce myself ... I
(pointing to himself) am the STAR of the show. H1 appears through the
curtains sees Star & looks suprised
A at audience then to stage hand & beckons him over, they have a quite
chat while Star carries on talking. H1 dissapears & is replaced by H2 &
H3
Star - You know boys and girls I have rehearsed my role everyday,
looking in to the mirror with my arms up & my feet apart (Stands in a
star pose). I even tried a few hand stands, cart wheels & a few rollie
pollie's but the pointy bits got stuck in the carpet (pointing to the
star on his head)

Voice from behind curtains
H4 - What do you mean someones on the stage...
H2, & H3 heads dissapear then H1 & H4 heads appear through curtains
H4 - Wooaaoow, (Now coming through curtains) Who are you?

Star - I (Pointing to himself again) am the star of the show
H4 - The what?
Star - The star of the show
H4 - Since when
Star - Since the auditions in September
H4 - But there were no auditions in September, just the heritage weekend
(Plug coming - H4 Turns to the audience) That's the weekend when we
invite the public to visit & you are free to walk around the building.
We have all our costumes, photo's & lib's on display. (Turns back to
star)
Star - That was it... that's when I auditioned...

I read in the newspaper that you were looking for some new stars.....

So I came in the next day, showed the lady on the door my star pose
(Makes star pose) & she said rehearsals were on Tuesday...

I picked up a script & left.

H4 - Now you mention it. There was an odd looking character at
rehearsals for a few weeks... He was doing hand stands, cart wheels
(Star smuggly smiles and points at himself at each act) Oh and some
rollie pollies - he put a hole in the ....

But the police took him away.

Star - I know.. I thought I wasn't going to get out of jail in time for
the show - but it gave me time to read the script.

H4 - Just wait a moment (Turning away from Star & beconing S.H over, but
meeting him part way & turning him away. Saying

I'll keep him busy here - you call the cops! S.H nods & leaves stage
left.

Meanwhile

Star talks to the audience again

I hope everyone knows their lines, I overheard there was a tinman,
Dorothy a lion. Oh and a scarecrow.. You'd think they were doing the
Wizard of Oz & not Alladin (Taking out a lib with Alladin on front
cover)

H4 - Alladin! (Turning back to star) Hey! (Snatching the Lib from his
hand) That's the special edition lib from 1984's show of Alladin

Then dreamily 'That was my first ever show' ... 'There is a photo of me
in the back signed by the whole cast'

(He turns the lib to show everyone the clearly ripped sheets)

H4 - 'Hey!' 'Where are the back pages

Star - I got caught short

H4 - of what

Star - You know (Then whispering into H4 ear) loo roll!

H4 - Sniffs lib & quickly giving it back, pulling a face.

Background noise of police siren

Star - Oh dear, I don't like the sound of that

H4 - Oh don't worry someone must be robbing the bank

Star - Ok! (Then as if suddenly realising something) Hey! Your'e my
faveourite, Iv'e got all of your films

H4 - really? feeling quite proud.

Star - Oh yes! Alladin, Alladin 2 .... (pausing as if he has a brilliant
idea, then nudging H4 in the arm) 'do you want to try my mask on?'

H4 - No thank you I don't think it'll match my ......erm (No ideas)

Star - Ok! we'd better get back stage now anyway.... (Turning away)

H4 - No! (Turning but finding the police aren't there yet) erm wait..
maybe I will try on your mask - then to audience 'at least it will keep
him here till the police arrive'

Star removes mask & H4 puts it on.

The police arrive & H4 relieved says 'there he is, he is an intruder &
he stole this lib (Alladin)

P1 - to H4 come with us sir

H4 - Eh! not me, him!

P2 - Ok sir, so your not the star of the show?

H4 - No

P1 So your not in the show

H4 - No, I mean Yes I am, I am one of the stars!

P2 - so we've heard, I think you'd better come with us to the police
station

H4 - Nooo! H4 runs off to Benny hill tune

Star - 'You mean he was an imposter all along. I better get ready - see
you soon everyone. (Waving & Dissapears stage right)