4. Life just got better - The end of all your troubles.

Drink drive, kill a man, and tell me how you’d react.

By chance it does happen to you, and you’re stuck for ideas; here’s what I did.

She’s returned from her boyfriend’s utility truck, parked up the valley a-ways, and she’s brought back a camping spade and tool box. She strides up and dumps the tools and then handing the spade. Without a word she drops to her knees next to her dead boyfriend, producing a hammer from the box. There is something horrifically casual about her expression. But then, before I can even wince, she has grabbed his hair to position his head and flung the hammer down into his mouth.

It’s not like in the movie, not at all. In the movie the impact is implied, just a sound. You don’t see the results, and if you do it’s a mess of blood and bone. But this isn’t like that. This is minimalist mutilation. The hammer has created a lopsided trench in the lower left section of his face, the skin is still intact, it’s just depressed and slightly stretched by the awkward position of the dislocated jaw.

I fear she might still be a little distraught.

She’s not done though, the first hit isn’t enough for her, she gives it a few slower, carefully aimed shots. I can feel the hits come through the ground, each one.

‘Why are you doing this?’ I have to say.

She just drops the hammer and moves around to straddle the body, sitting on him and leaning over like she’s ready to kiss him, but she says, ‘because you fucked everything up, you owe me.’

‘What does that mean?’

She parts the split skin and reaches her hand in, she comes out with a small fistful of bones and teeth, ‘It means shut-up, or I’ll call the cops myself.’ Then she says ‘Here...’ extended her hand.

Without thinking I take the teeth, now THERE is the blood.

‘And this,’ she says, tossing me the spade before collecting more teeth from the cavity.

Our current position slopes downward into the valley, we’re deep enough to be hidden from the road, but I go a little further down and I start digging like she says.

Here’s a tip: You don’t need a coffin shaped pit. Even still, digging a four by four foot hole is harder than you’d think. So if you know you’ll have a body to bury, plan ahead and get this done before hand. Finally, keep the dirt you excavate in a nice neat pile, we’ll use that later.

‘You try digging down four feet,’ I complain.

She’s removed both his hands too, and she’s wrapped them in his flannel shirt. She says she put them in the boot of my car. I’ve already got his teeth in my pocket.

Another tip for you: As a body decomposes and the soil settles, the area sinks, making your shallow grave look very much like a shallow grave - you don't want this. So that neat pile comes in handy now, put as much as you can back, leaving a nice size mound. Park it down hard and collect leaves and sticks from the surrounding grounds and lay them thickly over the top. The mound will shrink soon enough leaving fewer telltale signs of foul play.

Here’s one we prepared earlier. You are now ready to start working on your alibi.

And there is just one last thing that freaks me out. In the dark of night, by edge of the fresh grave she stands there, the storm growing stronger overhead, and just before I turn to leave, as lightning splits the sky, she starts her prayer, she has to shout it over the wind and rain, ‘Lord, though he is not worthy to receive you, I ask you to accept him into your kingdom and shelter him."

Go to Part 5 : http://www.abctales.com/story/white-dwarf/5-life-just-got-better-idol-es...