Falling position (ip)

By WillSimpson

Mon, 05 Jul 2010
  • 1310 reads
5 comments
 

Thud,
Listen again,
Thud,

Thats the sound things make when they crash down,

But wait,

Hear that?

The sound of silence emerging from the dark,
Its the noise of my conscience,
Pushing me higher,

Listen in yourself,
Learn your inner sounds,
Then next time you fall,
You will know when to stand,

When the music starts playing,
Hold out your hands.

Certificate U
Miscellaneous

Comments

Submitted by tcook on
I like this and almost gave it a cherry but the 'thud' sound at the start seemed to jar with me. After 'Hear that?' I think it's excellent - maybe you could rework the beginning? See what others think!

Submitted by WillSimpson on
Haha ok, thanks for your advice, The thud is supposed to be a negative aspect so it seems to of worked.

Until we feel our thoughts our thinking remains unfelt

Submitted by Kahdai on
I think its fab as is Will, the thuds do jar as you read it, yet to me, in a way I think they would as if they were real! I really like the ending lines! K

"I will make sense with a few reads \^^/ "

Submitted by maggyvaneijk on
love the rhythm to this piece. Perhaps if you balanced it more it would be less jarring? Add some short beats along the middle of the poem? Not quite sure! I'm a thud-fan though :)

 

Submitted by WillSimpson on
Thank you all.

Until we feel our thoughts our thinking remains unfelt