Enough

I love him, but is it enough?

I am heaving him back from the darkness against his will

He wants to be down here

In the blackness

Unfeeling

Alone

My hands are small and dry

His biceps tense, neck knotted

As I massage emotion

From my fingers carefully down his back

Keeping close as he closes his eyes

Shuts the door and shuts me out

Hides his thoughts and fears in a cardboard box under the spare bed

To be shared with a stranger

But not with me

There is no therapist here tonight

As my world fragments in agony behind the bathroom door

He is intermittent

On hold

He writes it carefully into the chart in blue capital letters

I am worried about everything

I can’t cope

I haven’t done enough