A shadow of doubt

CAST LIST:
ME = the day-to-day me, the one who shops, works and pays her bills.
MYSELF = is that point of consciousness outside of me, my personality if you like, that takes a more objective view of my life.
I = my link with spirit which comes on the heels of meditation, or in the throes of a meditative state when I am on the computer.
(For more explanation read 'Me, myself and I' in this collection.)

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ME: How can I trust anything I write or anything I have come to believe? Why is the advice that I choose to call inspiration different from what comes from me anyway? How can I stand in front of a person and say I am inspired?

I: Consider for a moment the process of inspiration, what happens to your body and to your breathing, the colours that flow around your eyes and your head and the sensation of lightness in your body. Of course it is still you, your energy, your body moving across the keyboard and your words being used. Spirit works through mankind. How much stranger would it be, and harder to accept, if you were talking about things of which you have no knowledge and no language?

A spiritual life, which is not every lifetime, is one spent in the pursuance of alignment. So is it really that surprising that your work, your education and your interests have been on things that have provided you with the language of personal development, compassion and tolerance for other human beings.

Then you have the process of your discrimination, your ability to recognise when the words are flowing with an energy of their own and when you are somehow thinking about filling a page. I guess the easiest way to consider this is that you trust in the words that you don't have to think about, that seem to flow from your mind to the keyboard only stopping to motivate your fingers. You do not, when you write this blog, think about the phrasing, evening think about anymore than an opening title. The rest seems to arrive in a flow and when the going gets tough you realise that your thoughts for the day are finished.

So there is something about what happens inside of yourself and something about the flow of the words, and then we have the affect on the reader. Does it connect with their experience, with their personal struggles and questions? I guess that you can only know from feedback, but people do not tend to read those things that do not speak to their experience. They certainly won't return to the page to see what you have thought up next is it doesn't touch their soul. Even if the affect is to anger them or make them feel they want to push the back button to remove the words from their vision.

You will always have a shadow of doubt that what you are sharing is from you, but is that so bad, if it has meaning? If it contains the spiritual truths that have transformed so much in your life?

ME: I guess not. Interestingly I now see that to be attached to the words coming from another source may be a source of ride anyway. Wanting to avoid taking responsibility for them and their impact on others. I suppose that is also part of not wanting to promote the words of another source as mine and to somehow pretend that I am more than I am.

MYSELF: A shadow of doubt, more like a full sky of grey clouds of doubt!

ME: But that has changed. At first, 12 years ago, I don't think I could even accept the concept of a spirit world let alone being able to connect with it and get advice and guidance. But over time, and in times of the greatest difficulty, I have found that really that is the one place I can go to get consistently good advice and comfort from the interaction. I find the daily meditations healing of themselves. Not just the words, but the quieting of my body and my mind and my physical sense of being connected to the universe.

Somehow that gives me the sense of being centred enough to get through the day and indeed to spur me into being creative in my professional life. I am not sure that I alone, cut off from that, would have been able to extend the work I do to such an extent, or take on projects knowing that the inspiration will come.

MYSELF: I hate to admit it, but it's true. Life has become less of a roller coaster and more of a sleigh ride. But isn't that just to do with getting older?

I: Age has something to do with it. But not only in the way that you think, the increase in experience, it has to do with being able to connect to and hold the spiritual energies that can, in the younger person cause them to become a little fragmented and disconnected. You know from your mediation groups how some younger people can find the energies in crystals and mediations so strong that their whole physiology changes. We are not talking here about the Children of Light who are old soul in young bodies.

Age also removes some of the concern about being ridiculed and ostracised for holding views that others don't agree with. You have the awareness and perception of how different people might find some of the teachings that you wish to share, and how for some they would be confrontational and unacceptable. You can respect their viewpoint, and trust that those who find value in what you are trying to share respect the fact that you are trying to reach out ' to share some of the spiritual lessons so lacking today in the commercial lifestyle and the pursuit of pleasure above substance.

ME: Then I will continue. I have been heartened by the change in myself since I started this dialogue with myself, and I am sure others have a similar dialogue going on inside them all the time.

I: Most people are at war with themselves most of the time. But their fight is confined to the ME and MYSELF. What you can remind them of is that there is an 'I', not only in a place of worship, but inside of themselves. A higher energy that can life the conflict up one notch ' to a place where meaning and purpose become more important than image or criticism.
When you heal you say the affirmation 'I know the God within' and that is in effect what you are reminding people of. They have access to the creator too, but they do have to make that connection for themselves and nurture it to maintain it.

MYSELF: Don't start using the God word, you will have people turning off all over the place, or assuming you are talking religion.

ME: I guess everyone has their own version of God. But for me He is not a He. He is a creative principle that is a source of energy that have three aspects. Love ' the Christos ' Intelligence and the human being as represented by Christ.

MYSELF: Well I am glad we've cleared that one up. I worry all the time about perception, how each word has different meanings for different people.

ME: Me too, but I guess the starting point is dialogue not monologue. Sometimes I think we use words without ever really know what we mean ourselves, let alone stopping to ask that the other person means.