Conversations Beyond The Grave ( 1 )

I think this would benefit from some structure - it's hard to read as it is. Perhaps some stanza breaks, and you should always punctuate poetry the same way you would prose - the same rules regarding full stops and sentence structures, etc, should apply. What do you think? J x

It's interesting that you say you 'can't do more'. Is this because you don't know how or that you just don't want to? My own attitude to writing is that I want to keep improving it until it's as good as it can be, J x

Right, ok, let's follow the specific advice that I offered above: BEYOND THE GRAVE ( 1 ) There was a terrible car crash. A crowd gathered, Tried to save the people inside But failed. Driver and an official at the back had died. The pocket of the official Revealed a will, it read: ‘In case I & my driver die suddenly, I want To be buried with him by my side’. The driver cleared his eyes. What did he see? The Mayor, still looking official, Looking down on him With wicked eyes. Mayor, what brings you here? Your place is over there. I want to be here Now that you are here, Can say and do what I want To my heart’s content. You were a tyrant and a bully, Will smash your head. You can’t be saved, You are a hypocrite. Why now ? Try to be kind and considerate? Well, death the equalizer Has now made you a loser. Suddenly, the conversation stopped, Came thunderous and torrential rain, Rained non-stop. Plenty of water gushed, Both suffocated and Ultimately died. They had promised each other To pretend dead. The torrential rain Has now made sure They are really dead. I confess, it's hard, because you have written without proper sentence structures in the first place. Not sure if this is because you don't know how to form them properly or because you are going for poetic effect, but I suggest typing 'BBC Skillswise' into Google and selecting work on sentence structures - this website has proven useful in the past! J x